j konger | blog

why is the dominant aesthetic form of so much web-art brutalist?

Mon, 10 Feb 2025 00:00:00 GMT

its always plain text, default font, white background. its checkerboard transparent stand-ins, equal-width characters, source code visibility a must. i feel it pretends to a sort of transparent modernism, a text describing its own creation apparatus, but why then does it seem to me so nostalgic? these are all signifiers of old ways of using the computer, old by the time i got my first laptop (which was a very long time ago now). it feels like a stranger letting you know something awful dot com is the originator of online culture, not 4chan like you were taught. i guess it comes off like a pose, is what it feels like. i’m not coddled byt the convenience of modern computing, it tells you. i’m an operator, eyes inside

brought on by seeing this, though really this is a reaction to almost everything, a tantrum of things i dont understand

hell yes time

Wed, 05 Mar 2025 00:00:00 GMT

finished a draft of the girl. that’s a special wrap

guys in Europe

Mon, 21 Oct 2024 00:00:00 GMT

here are some guys i saw in europe

bonus guy:

Dragon Quest VII links

Fri, 13 Dec 2019 00:00:00 GMT

Here, apropos of nothing: a list of resources I used to complete Dragon Quest VII. I played the game in Japanese, a language i am not fluent in, which is pretty difficult for such a text-heavy, quest-flag-dependent game.

Walkthrus:

Translations

Vocations

project finished: i stitched hisoka onto a cap

Mon, 11 Nov 2024 00:00:00 GMT

look at this and be nice, i’m much more sensitive to criticism than talented:

a shitty little ghost kitchen opened near our place, and on opening day they gave away free hats. i pulled out their logo embroidery then (lazily, badly) stitched on a patch.

bonus picture, worn by a posture bunny like a helmet:

in search of lost time marginalia

Thu, 13 Feb 2025 00:00:00 GMT

i’ve always drawn pictures in the margins of my books. dont know why. not gonna analyze. i’ve been trying to read proust in french this year, and as i go, checking translations again in english, i been seeing images

so: i am gonna upload them here. keep this page bookmarked. it can only be good.

mama in her garden dress

vol 1, p13

translations read

Swann’s Way: Lydia Davis translation, US version

finally updated my list of publications, first time in years

Thu, 06 Mar 2025 00:00:00 GMT

i think i missed some things, but that’s alright. i’m a semi-professional writer. that means being messy is a boon

remember

Wed, 06 Nov 2024 00:00:00 GMT

scrolling is a form of rumination. ruminations a turtles way of setting in

How to match til the end of an input string with a janet peg

Sun, 08 Dec 2024 00:00:00 GMT

aka a parsing expression grammar, aka the only reason i wanna use janet:

to match all the rest of the content in a string, use this:

(any 1)

unlike most else i seen in PEGs, this is hella unclear. it literally means, more or less, match any amount of single characters, but god does that not help. instead, i think of it like “match anyone”: get anyone left.

Janet PEGs don't accept unicode??

Sun, 08 Dec 2024 00:00:00 GMT

nope! not easily, at least. you can match unicode characters, but NOTHING is made easy for you, the way a regex /u flag will. that said, its still possible with use of (to)

look, for example, at a truncated version of a PEG i’m writing to pull info from a french/english dictionary:

(def dict-result-peg
  ~{
    # ... catch some stuff
    :pronunciation (* "/" (to "/") "/")
    # ... and so on
   })

i wanna catch all the character in the words IPA prnounciation, which luckily enough are surrounded by /s. since janets PEGs don’t allow for a character class range of unicode prononciation strings, i instead use a (to "/") to grab all the text between delimiters. it’s imprecise, but in this instance perfect, as i know ill never get a / in the prnonciation guide

ren'py game jam submission at wonderville

Sun, 09 Feb 2025 00:00:00 GMT

this weekend i participated in a game jam at wonderville. we had 2hrs to learn ren’py and make a game with it. in my team, i did the writing. all this below was in ~1hr, no erasing, no thinking ahead. it was fun, huh

also, note, it doesnt actually use any ai. that’s a lie, or maybe an attemt to seem more modern

(shadows) pub

Fri, 13 Dec 2019 00:00:00 GMT

Today: my four part short short sequence (my flash fiction quadriptych) titled (shadows) has completed its four-day publication on Defenestrationism’s website. you can check it out here.

Testing out TinaCMS

Mon, 30 Sep 2024 00:00:00 GMT

As an excuse to post more on here, I’m trying out TinaCMS. Expect either:

More posts, as they are easier to make
Less posts, as I can now ~tinker~
wayne cone flaming lips

this is now a place for completing projects

Thu, 07 Nov 2024 00:00:00 GMT

i swear unto you, i will now be completing projects

Snuffy Smith 9/11 Comic, 2024

Wed, 11 Sep 2024 00:00:00 GMT

inspired by eruditorumpress.com’s wonderful yearly blog post, my annual redraw of the most important comic of the 21st century

under the eye of power reflection

Tue, 28 May 2024 00:00:00 GMT

Tring a new thing, book reviews. this one’s about Under the Eye of Power, by Colin Dickey

honestly quite good. a bit unfocused (as books like this are, as i assume it’s built from essays), but some real memorable stuff

of most note: the tension in america between absolute freedom and democracy. iow, democracy is a very social practice, and “liberty” (as popularly defined) is antisocial. it’s very obvious in retrospect (as insights are), but cool how colin d situates this deep into american life. in that tension, all of us are there

Snuffy Smith 9/11 Comic, 2025

Thu, 11 Sep 2025 00:00:00 GMT

inspired by eruditorumpress.com’s wonderful yearly blog post, my annual redraw of the most important comic of the 21st century

ants devlog 1

Thu, 30 Jan 2025 00:00:00 GMT

to live is to struggle, of course, as well to die; pico-8 is a fantasy computer console.

in pico-8 i am simulating bugs. it is clear they aren’t actual bugs, but bugs are the smallest creature i’ve seen that was also living (in high school, with microscopes, we made the bacteria die). therefore i am calling my creatures bugs, as a tip of the hat to the fact that they are living (or in other words outside of my control)

world

first we must create a world for them to live in. pico8 offers three default functions, _init(), _draw(), and _update() (or, in our case, the closely related _update60() to do something similar in 60fps) to simulate our world, so let’s start with these

_init() creates our world. at the moment we will be existentialists and encounter it as given. thus we will not touch upon it now

_update60() creates action in our world. now, as perhaps idealists, we will ignore this for now.

_draw() in fact is all we need to create our world. software after all is not concerned with reality, only representation, thank god. thus, we need only add the color of dirt to our draw function, as dirt is the insects’ natural home. pico-8 uses a integer index-based color palatte, so let’s draw with that now:

function _draw()
    cls(4)
end

what does this mean? _draw(), run every frame, will create an image of all we’ve made. within in, cls() paints the screen a single color ¹, which we’ve set to 4, in other words brown, the color of earth

every second, in other words, we will be reminded the earth is brown. i find this wonderful

our world so far: so much dirt

clears the graphics buffer, so to say ↩

ants devlog 2

Fri, 21 Mar 2025 00:00:00 GMT

this is part of a series. see the previous post here

ants

now that we have a world, let’s create life in it. because we are working with systems it seems imperative we create a model of our life cycle. thus:

→ birth
    ↪ struggle
        ↪ death

in other words, to create life true to life, we must allow our ants to live, to struggle, and to die. once we have these, we’ll have our most basic simulation

notice!

because struggle is often difficult to represent visually, we will be showing movement in its place

birth

but how will we birth our ants? ‘ants’ is of course a generalized term here, little more than metaphor, but if we follow our metaphor as example we open ourselves to a whole complex reproduction apparatus, queens and soldiers and social roles and all, which is more than we are ready to simulate now. we’ll need another way to birth them, with an artificially increased control

a shame: we must reveal ourselves so early

revealing the creators hand

pico-8 offers optional mouse cursor support. it’s a sort of imitation secret, in that only its implementation seems obscure, its existence is known by most who use the program. also, more relevantly, it seems the perfect way to spawn out ants: use the mouse to select a pixel, click, and bring a single ant to life

to enable the mouse, we need only call the below function somewhere in our program. don’t worry what it means now. the meanings mostly unimportant ¹

 poke(0x5f2d, 1)

at least now we have a use for our _init() function: to init our cursor. let’s put that at the top of our file:

function _init()
	poke(0x5f2d, 1)
end

try to run it now? does anything happen? no: we need to make our hand

revealing the creator’s hand, pt 2

hi! my name is j konger. its a pseudonym, of course. few parents give their child a single initial name. i had the idea this devlog would be fun to write in the voice of a tutorial, but the more i write on this the more i realize i need to drill down, explain things neither you or i find very interesting. instead of scrapping this work however (in accordance with my site’s first rule), i am changing course into simple narrative. i hope you don’t mind.

a shame: we must change our course so early

cursor

code

this is the image i used for my cursor. you’ll notice it’s the pico 8 cursor almost exactly, with the color changed. we’ll get to that later, maybe several posts from now

and this is the code i used to make the cursor follow the mouse, which i put in a separate tab:

-- cursor

function cur_init()
	cur_spr=1
	cur_x=60
	cur_y=60
end

function cur_draw()
	spr(cur_spr,cur_x,cur_y)
end

function cur_update()
	--mouse loc
	cur_x=stat(32)-1
	cur_y=stat(33)-1
end

and, under our main tab, we now have this:

function _init() 
   -- allow mouse :)
   poke(0x5f2d, 1)
   cur_init()
end

function _draw()
	cls(4)
	cur_draw()
end

function _update60()
   cur_update()
end

explanation

let’s start with that second part of code, as its simplest: for readability, we add a new init, update, and draw function to our cursor, then just call them in the generic version of each. we call this ‘separation of concerns’. we call this ‘elegant code’

the other tab is simple also, just not as much. let’s go function by function, ok? i think that sounds nice:

cur_init

here, we just set some defaults. cur_spr is the index of our sprite, cur_x and cur_y the starting position of our cursor, which we add only because we need to call it in…

cur_draw

here were merely draw the sprite to screen: spr() draws a sprite, and cur_x and cur_y tell it where to go, x- and y-wise. as we’re using the mouse here, we are continuing to use obscurant functions. all we need to know for our purposes is that stat(32) returns our cursor’s x coordinate, stat(33) its y, and that we subtract one pixel distance from each so our cursor points at the coordinate rather than overlaps, thus looking overall more ‘real’ to our precious user (in truer words ‘familiar’)

end

so now we have a hand in our own creation. if nothing else, that’s worthy of our pride. reach out now, with your pointer device of choice, and touch your world. hit ctl-r on your keyboard to run the app and watch the cursor move

full code and downloads

cartridge

(right click to save, open in pico-8)

full code

-- ants
-- by j konger

function _init() 
   -- allow mouse :)
   poke(0x5f2d, 1)
   cur_init()
end

function _draw()
	cls(4)
	cur_draw()
end

function _update60()
   cur_update()
end


-->8
-- cursor

function cur_init()
	cur_spr=1
	cur_x=60
	cur_y=60
end

function cur_draw()
	spr(cur_spr,cur_x,cur_y)
end

function cur_update()
	--mouse loc
	cur_x=stat(32)-1
	cur_y=stat(33)-1
end

i’d like to have embeds here in a later post, once i figure out how to do that with my static site generator. perhaps that will exist by the time the game gets interesting

ok, you wanna know? here’s the explanation i used to learn it ↩

ants devlog 3

Tue, 10 Jun 2025 00:00:00 GMT

this is part of a series. see the previous post here

let’s take the issue head on: my attempt to write this as a pseudo-tutorial has failed. i find the writing style draining, boring, forced, etc etc. worse, the more i put it off, the further i get from when i wrote the first part of my little ants simulation, so there ain’t nothing there (or at least there’s less and less there), to build on, it becomes an exercise in bland uninteresting recollection, i would prefer not to.

thus a new beginning, more honest to what i’m actually doing when i write these: let’s look at my furthest draft of the code and reconstruct together what i think my ideas were

the code itself

we’re up to some 200 lines now, so lets put these into little tabs. explanation are after our little guy here, so scroll on by for more

0: basic functions

function _init() 
   -- allow mouse :)
   poke(0x5f2d, 1)

   cur_init()
   ants_init()
   food_init()
end

function _update60()
   cur_update()
   local click=stat(34)
   --left click
   if(1==click) then
      sfx(0,-1,4)
      ants_add(cur_x,cur_y)
   end
   --right click
   if(2==click) then
      food_add(cur_x,cur_y)
   end
   
   food_update()
   ants_update()
end

function _draw()
   cls(4)
   food_draw()
   ants_draw()
   --ants_count()
   cur_draw()
end

1: cursor

function cur_init()
   cur_spr=1
   cur_x=60
   cur_y=60
end

function cur_draw()
   spr(cur_spr,cur_x,cur_y)
end

function cur_update()
   --mouse loc
   cur_x=stat(32)-1
   cur_y=stat(33)-1
end

2: ants


function ants_init()
   ants={}
end

function ants_add(x,y)
   ants[#ants+1]={x=x,y=y,age=0}
end

function ants_loop(func)
   loop_pixels(ants,func)
end

function ants_draw()
   ants_loop(
      function(ant)
         pset(ant.x,ant.y,0)
      end
   )
end

function ants_move()
   ants_loop(ant_move)
end

function ant_move(ant)
   local movement=rnd(100)
   
   if(95<movement) then
      ant.x=ant.x+1
   elseif(90<movement) then
      ant.y=ant.y+1
   elseif(85<movement) then
      ant.x=ant.x-1
   elseif(80<movement) then
      ant.y=ant.y-1
   end
   
   ant.x=loop_screen(ant.x)
   ant.y=loop_screen(ant.y)
end

function ants_age()
   ants_loop(function(ant)
         -- basic rand change to die
         if(ant) then
			local dead=
               flr(rnd(2000-ant.age))
			if(0==dead) then
               del(ants,ant)
			else
               ant.age = ant.age+1
			end
         end
   end)
end

function ants_count()
   local text="ants: " .. #ants
   print(text,2,120,6)
end

function ants_eat()
   -- we actually loop the food
   -- to easy unset it
   food_loop(function(food)
         if(food) then
			local eat=pget(food.x,food.y)
			if(eat==0) -- has ant on it
			then
               --make ant live longer
               foreach(ants, function(ant)
                          if(ant.x==food.x and 
                             ant.y==food.y) then
                             ant.age=ant.age-100
                          end
               end)
               --remove the food
               del(foods,food)
               sfx(1)
			end
         end
   end)
end

function ants_update()
   ants_move()
   ants_eat()
   ants_age()
end

3: loop helpers

function loop_screen(pos)
   if(128<pos) return 0
   if(0>pos) return 128

   return pos
   end

function loop_pixels(arr,func)
   for i=1,#arr do
      func(arr[i])
   end
end

4: food

function food_init()
   f_sprite={2,3}
   foods={}
   food_can_add=0
end

function food_add(c_x,c_y)
   --only add if not delayed
   if(0<=food_can_add) return
   
   sfx(2)
   --reset delay
   food_can_add=25
   local s_offset=
      rnd(f_sprite) * 8
   
   -- loop the sprite to add
   -- pixels
   for x=0,7 do
      for y=0,7 do
         local pix=sget(x+s_offset,y)
         if(0!=pix) then
            foods[#foods+1]=
               {x=c_x+x,y=c_y+y,col=pix}
         end
      end
   end
end

function food_draw()
   food_loop(
      function(food)
         pset(food.x,food.y,food.col)
      end
   )
end

function food_loop(func)
   loop_pixels(foods,func)
end

function food_update()
   food_can_add=food_can_add-1
end

the explanations

i like accordions. let’s do that again:

0: basic functions

this one's mostly straightforward: call the init, update, and draw functions of further tabs. in init, we poke to enable mouse use, in update we handle clicks, and in draw we clear the screen.

1: cursor

another simple one. in `init`, we set our cursor sprite, in `update` we pull in the x and y position of our cursor with inexplicable functions even _i_ dont understand (minus 1, for some sweet visual alignment tricks: it makes sure we dont hide our single pixel ants), and draw draws a sprite to the screen at that position. i think its neat. its simple. its a software sort of thing

2: ants

now we're doing something! we've got a lot here. if you've noticed, i have a tendency to order functions in a sort of least-to-most order, aka 'reverse', so let's describe them in reverse also, starting at the bottom of our code:

`ants_update`

the simple one: we call all the functions we write above. our ants will move, eat, then age and possibly die

`ants_eat`

our first hard one, in part reliable on some functions in our food tab (so read ahead!). in short, we have an array of pixels of ‘food’ as well as their x and y positions. we then read the screen data of the foods x and y coords: if its palette is 0, which is an ant, we 1) make the ant live longer by subtracting from its age value and 2) delete the food from the food array (see that tab bb). we also play a sound effect

`ants_count`

debug func: prints the count of ants to the screen

`ants_age`

we loop through our ants via the to-be-described ants_loop function and try to kill them via rng. essentially: the closer their age gets to 2000, the higher the chance they die. if they live, we age them by one, increasing their chance to die later

`ants_move` and `ant_move`

loop through and move our ants. this parts lame as hell right now, just randomizing the direction and checking to loop the screen. this’ll be a HUGE change point in our shared future

`ants_draw`

loop our ants and set their pixels on the screen. simple as hell

`ants_loop`

and you thought you might learn? no! we call a loop pixels functions on our ant, described elsewhere!

`ants_add` and `ants_init`

simple: we add an ant object at x and y in ants_add, we create a global ants array in init. this is real simple stuff, unfortunately

3: loop helpers

aint the most complicated things so simple also? `loop_screen` makes sure our position is on the 128x128 screen, `loop_pixels` takes in an array and runs a function on every member of it

why is these together, if so different? i dont’ know. i wrote this months ago

4: food

our last little bit of complexity, then we're through. You've got this, reader. I've got this, writer, too.

in init, we set up three variables. f_sprite holds a list of sprites that we can produce as food, foods holds all the food pixels we’ve set on screen (the same way we’ve set pixels for ants), and food_can_add helps us set a little delay so that we can’t just paint food across our screen

food_add adds food to the x+y off the cursor: first we made sure our food can be added by checking if our food_can_add is zero (or less---so we don’t have to worry about keeping the addable time to zero); if we’re good, we play a little sound, reset our food delay to 25 frames, then pick a sprite at random from our f_sprite variable set above. with that in place, we loop through the pixels of our food sprite and add them to our food array at the cursor location

food_draw loops these pixels to add them to the screen; food_loop makes looping these pixels easier

finally, on food_update, we count our food adding counter down one tick per frame

so: that’s a lot. its also a small bit messy, but oh well. ants are insects who live in dirt, we might as well attempt their lifestyles if we’d like to simulate

next up, back in the code for this, we’ll try to add an ability for our ants to scent out food near them and follow, as well as follow each others scents. let’s give it a go

apologies to everyone for occasionally misspelling it as ‘aunts’. i will not go back and fix this

bitsy game jam submission at wonderville

Wed, 16 Apr 2025 00:00:00 GMT

another game jam at wonderville. there quite fun, as a non-designer. as with last game jam submission, my work on this was mostly writing: a heavily worldbuilt absurd world, with more connections and resonances than you’d ever need. give it a look below:

<a href="https://towercity.itch.io/the-free-mantle">The Free-Mantle by towercity</a>

ants devlog 4: what if an ant could sense when food's nearby?

Wed, 09 Jul 2025 00:00:00 GMT

wait, let’s make use of the tools given to us by default: here’s the commit for this post’s code, on Github

had i thought on this far enough ahead, perhaps we’d have had a PR with many commits, one for each change, but in that idea’s place let’s follow a simple three act structure (out of 5, as you will see very soon our work ends with a large and tragic turn)

act i: setting the scene

before anything else, let’s simplify the vars we use in our ant_move() code: previously, we referenced our current ant’s x and y via their object, but if we want to reference them more often in our movement function, as we plan to, it makes more sense to simplify those to just x and y. after all, its what we’ll mean in this the most

any other code in this area is replacing these vars throughout

act 2: a tired joke about not wanting to remove bugs

this ones simple, and well worth taking note of. in our _init() we added a new variable debug_text, set to a blank string, and we end our _draw() with a call to print this variable to the screen (at the end, so we know it’s always on top of everything). at the moment, we don’t add anything to this string, as we’ve more or less cleaned thing up, but a simple call of debug_text = debug_text .. "whatever we wanna check on" keeps our business on the screen. very nice

also: could we loop thru an array of strings to make this easier to add to? who cares! we can still do anything we want to later!

act three: the actual changes we’ve made

notice!

this is wrong. this is very wrong. the sensing function we make is incredibly functional, but the way we choose to use it is very wrong. we just gotta pretend it isn’t for a bit of narrative. spoiler, howver, this will end up bad

should be simple, right? we have a randomized movement function, let’s slot in some new movement types. under our list of movement options, let’s add an elseif and add in a new function for looking nearby

`find_nearby_dots`

^^ see that up there, that’s what we’ll be calling our sensing function. interested and detail-oriented readers (of whom, at the time of writing, i have none) will notice this is not in the linked commit. that’s cause i messed up rebasing. i have no desire to fix this, so it stands

that said, we can add the function in whole here now:

function find_nearby_dots(x,y,dist)
   local vals={}

   for i=0,dist-1 do
      local x1,x2=x+dist-i,x-dist+i
      local y1,y2=y+i,y-i

      if(0==i) then
         add(vals, {x1,y1})
         add(vals, {x2,y1})
         add(vals, {y2,x1})
         add(vals, {y2,x2})
      else
         add(vals, {x1,y1})
         add(vals, {x2,y1})
         add(vals, {x1,y2})
         add(vals, {x2,y2})
      end
   end

   return vals
end

isn’t plaintext wonderful! the above is essentially nonsense requiring a day or two of doing math (i have an MFA in creative writing), graph paper, highlighters, coordinate writing, refusing to look up answers because I’m doing this to keep my own creative forces occupied, not to make the most technically proper game. i will not be adding these notes to the page as ive moved apartment recently and dont wanna hafta get me scanner out. in place, let’s just explain the finished process:

in essense, thru guess-and-check i determined that for each new pixel of distance an ant is able to sense, another four pixels need to be sensed around it. i dont wanna go into the formula because i wrote it about a week ago and have since forgot it, but suffice it to say in the local variable lines at the top of the for loop we add or subtract a specific amount from the passed distance to create four new points of ‘vision’. they mirror each other quite well, so we can add them with only a few calculations. as you can see as well, the first loop works a little different in how its mirrored (not how our x and y variables are altered by the loop number: this is what causes this), so we get our points of vision differently

each of these points is added to an array, which is then returned: this is an array of all our senses points

math-brained types might notice this only gives us our outer ring of vision. yep: this only returns our outer ring. this is on purpose, as it adds a bit more flexability: we can use the function to determine what pixels are a certain distance of steps away with this one function or, by calling the function from within a loop, determine all the pixels that distance or less. i like that

(for the moment, imagining myself saving memory wheter I am or not, i’m only looking at the outer ring in code later. but, as shown above, it’s an easy change if i’m incorrect)

(also, not how easily this could be re-written to not need an x and y variable: we could simply return a distance amount rather than an absolute pixel. oh well, i realized that when writing this up. maybe, if it ends up convenient, we’ll change that later)

using `find_nearby_dots`

in this first paragraph here i’m insulting myself a week or so ago for not understanding how my earlier movement system worked. to skip ahead to the explanation, i was not balancing movement well. i was forgetting that my previous randomization took the option of no movement into account to create more jagged, natural seeming motions. this means that while there’s still only about a two percent chance to move each cardinal direction, there’s now a 92% chance to move toward a sensed food pixel, and no chance to stay put. this means that every frame, of which there are 60 in a second, our ants will move. that’s stupid fast, in practice

back to our ant movement functions, surely we can just slot this into our movement functions, right?? surely this is simple. see line 105 in the github, see our local variable to hold these produced sensed squares, scent_squares. we’ve simply added another branch to our movement if statement, which is surely going to add a “more likely” movement choice, in comparison to our 2% chance movements from before

we use our loop pixels function to loop thru the sensed pixels we’ve gathered and check: is it food? if so, we move towards it, prefering vertical movement over horizontal for the sole reason that i use the computer on my phone a lot, so i imagine computer screens as intrinsically tall.

by the way, does this function move us multiple times each way as written? i think so. i haven’t tested this out visually for reasons we’ll explore below

stop fucking around, show me why this sucks

see that? we move too many times per second. its one thing to swarm. this is something else

for next time, we’ll look into refactoring our movement decision code, so we can fix this

flat game

Sun, 08 Jun 2025 00:00:00 GMT

finally uploaded this game jam game from a while ago: j.konger.online/flat-game/. it’s finally not a joke one. i did the writing mostly, which is a found/erasure poem from an old religious text

here’s the poem text:

  i vow that my body shine bright in the infinte night, /
for all beings are like me,

  i vow that my body is crystal, the same as compassion, /
dreams on track,

  i vow i shall grant all beings my exhaustible wisdom, /
reviling guilt,

  i vow to lead those astray /
let them be corrected,

  i vow sentience, relapse, violation /
sincerity's a tenet of regret,

  i vow the physically sick are in good / health,
all who pay homage,

  i vow pain as i vow povery:
the helpless will be helped,

  i vow suffering and torture, transformation /
into men,

  i vow free beings, evil thought, control /
incultate them in a righteous honour,

  i vow to save prisoners of disaster /
my supreme power blesses the freed,

  i vow those who suffer from starvatio /n:
hear my name,

  i vow suffer, povery, mosquitos /
wasps by day and night come by my name,

Meet Me in a Dream translatoion

Sat, 04 Jan 2025 00:00:00 GMT

a few notes on my translations of Meet Me In a Dream:

this is not the most accurate translation you’ll ever find. my interest in the project is mostly literary, and my japanese might be called “studied but inept,” like a novice monk in 1500’s latin
i know of the other partial translation online, but i’m not consulting it, for same reasons as above
respecting authorial intentions, as expressed in the books foreword, i will not be marking who wrote what on this page. that’s only there with the stories themselves
let me know what you think, imagined reader. contact link’s there in the menu

stories

(with links to translation, if available)

Eisenhower
Assistant
Asparagus
Apartment
Work
Allergies
Encore
Antithesis
Interview
Indian
Interior
West Coast
Etiquette
Elite
Elevator
Sardines in Oil
All Night
Onion Soup
Carpet
Kama Sutra
Cutlet
Camp Fire
Quiz Show
Cool Mint Gum
Club
Grape Drops
K
Coin
Coffee
Coffee Cup
Coca Cola
Condor
Surfer
Sudden Death
Salary Man
Season
Off-Season
Shaving Cream
Shigesato Itoi
City Boy
Shower
Jungle Book
Shortstop
Jinx
Squeeze
Superman
Star Wars
Stereotype
Straight
Special Issue
Sweater
Xerox
Soft Serve
Softball
Direct Mail
Taxi
Talcum Powder
Charlie Manuel
Chewing Gum I
Chewing Gum II
Disney Land
Debt
Death Match
Tent
Donuts I
Donuts II
Dog Food
Nickname
Knock
Highway
High Heel
Haruki Murakami
Bread
Handsome
Beer
Philip Marlowe
Blue Suede Shoes
Blueberry Ice Cream
Playboy Party Joke
Baseball
Penguin
Whale
Hotel
Pony Tail
Margarine
Masquerade
Match
May
Disco Ball
Mozart
Moral
Rack
Love Letter
Last Scene
Lunch
Runway
Raincoat
Wham!
Bow Wow

Assistant, by Shigesato Itoi

Wed, 26 Mar 2025 00:00:00 GMT

my translation of the second story of 夢で会いましょう [Meet Me in a Dream] by Haruki Murakami and Shigesato Itoi, not guaranteed to be accurate. see the intro post to read more!

An assistant mustn’t eat any pastry their employer’s set aside for later.
An assistant mustn’t turn away clients because their employer finds them beautiful.
An assistant mustn’t toss their employer’s stale tea away on their own discretion.
An assistant mustn’t use word such as “like” or “um” when speaking to their employer.
An assistant musn’t wish for a nicer chair or salary than their employer.
An assistant mustn’t add the term ‘manager’ to their business card.

Given all this, from now till the end of time, I do not plan to be an assistant.

Asparagus, by Haruki Murakami

Fri, 20 Jun 2025 00:00:00 GMT

my translation of the third story of 夢で会いましょう [Meet Me in a Dream] by Haruki Murakami and Shigesato Itoi, not guaranteed to be accurate. see the intro post to read more!

Of all places on earth, we got lost in a field of asparagus. Our plan was to reach our village early that morning, but by the time we understood we were stuck in the vast asparagus the sun was sinking in the west. The passing wind carried a chill, along with the ominous scent of the asparagus.

In attempt to find our time and place I pulled a map out from my bag, but I learned nothing. No asparagus farm was listed there.

— What’s the point? I said. Even if we knew the way home, we’d never reach it.

My younger brother was lighter than me, so he climbed a tree that rose from the asparagus. He clung to its trunk with one hand, just like a monkey, and squinted into the distant horizon.

— I don’t get it, I can’t see nothing, he said. Not even lights.

— How’s that possible? my younger sister asked, tears in her eyes.

— It’s ok, don’t worry at all, I said. You all gather firewood for the night. I’ll see if I can dig us up a ditch, find some ground water.

As instructed, my siblings worked to gather sticks of dried asparagus, covering their mouths to prevent breathing its overpowering vapors. Meanwhile with a short shovel I started on my ditch. A dry, meter-deep ditch: it was hardly enought to be called a placebo, but what else did I have? Anything to soothe my frightened siblings.

The moon by now had risen in the sky, its light dyeing the mists that rose above the asparagus blue. Scattered birds now fell to the ground, began to flap their wings in terror. Soon—once the moon was all the way above us—they would be caught up in the roots of the asparagus. To think: a full moon on this of any night.

— Crouch your bodies low everyone, I said. Make sure your head’s under their gas. Don’t fall asleep. As soon as you fall asleep, the vines will grab you.

The longest night of our lives had just begun.

Eisenhower, or 1958's Place in Postwar History, by Haruki Murakami

Wed, 18 Dec 2024 00:00:00 GMT

my translation of the first story of 夢で会いましょう [Meet Me in a Dream] by Haruki Murakami and Shigesato Itoi, not guaranteed to be accurate. see the intro post to read more!

September 26, 1958, evening: it grows dark on the Brooklyn Bridge. Sonny Rollins is alone, practicing his scales on a tenor saxophone.

“Hey old man,” a child passing by asks him. “Whatcha up to?”

“Fightin the atomic beast,” Rollins says.

“I bet,” the child answers. “That’s a lie.”

…

At that very moment, President Eisenhower leads troops through the deserts of New Mexico, to struggle life and death against a repulsive and real atomic beast, which has four large, scissor-like pincers.

“Mr. President, if it keeps like this, the world will be destroyed,” the Secretary of the United Nation announces to the war room, exhaustion audible in his voice. “Our weapons cannot match it.”

“Lord, forgive us,” the president growls. “We’ve given birth to that which can’t be born.”

Snip snip snip snip snip: the beast advances. It crushes tanks and soldiers in its way.

…

“Hey, you got my donuts?” my nine-year-old self asks ask my mother. Her back is to me, in the kitchen, so I raise my voice.

All Night, by Shigesato Itoi

Tue, 30 Sep 2025 00:00:00 GMT

my translation of the seventh story (out of 99) of 夢で会いましょう [Meet Me in a Dream] by Haruki Murakami and Shigesato Itoi, not guaranteed to be accurate. see the intro post to read more!

Mister All-Night: that’s what they call Jokichi.

Other pimps stay up all night as well, but they aren’t Mister All-Night.

Every night, after the 11PM baseball report’s finished, he lets out an “Oh”.

This Oh more or less means Welp, I’d best get going. Who is he telling this to? No one’s there to hear him.

During business hours, Mika-chan’s busy working: bubble dances, periscopes¹, the like.

Nonetheless, the exact same time Jokichi that says Oh, Mika replies, “Aii.” It’s nothing more than a single, private Aii, bothering no one. No customer for example asks her, “What’s that about? Aii?”

Jokichi is Mika’s pimp. “You simply have to be my pimp,” she’d told him once: certainly a generous offer. She’s often felt she must be in love with him, or something like love leastwise. This is what she thinks of as she works, though only absently, so as not to neglect her current customer. The possibility of feeling a love toward Jokichi is unquestionably a personal affair, thus not something to think of at the office, so to speak. Nonetheless (her customer’s penis peeks above the surface of his bath, she moves to mount it) Mika wonders, in her heart, if the feeling might not interfere with what she’s doing.

At the apartment Jokichi absently undoes the electric lock. He’s off to jog. His eggplant-purple tennis shoes bounce one after the other over the hallway’s red carpet.

Jokichi skips the elevator and descends the emergency stairs. It’s the end of fall, so his breath is white. Jokichi’s at his happiest when the Yoimuri Giants win. Mika-chan moved in with him in April, April’s the baseball season’s start. The Giants had played the Chunichi Dragons. Come to think of it, opening day had been rainy and just as cold as now. Then, as happens with time, the weather warmed and since then chilled again. The whole while Mika-chan had lived with him. Something like happiness, huh, Jokichi ponders. His happiness wasn’t caused by the Giant’s success, this much was obvious. Were they to only reach third place this year, in other words, he and Mika-chan would continue as they had. You’re bring dumb, he thinks, in other words.

He takes a break from jogging halfway to Mika’s storefront and starts to sing: “Dabada dabada badabadabah! Dababada-dah! Dabadaba-yoo-hoo!” It’s just passed midnight.

Jokichi sits on a bench, wipes his sweat, looks to the sky. He calls for Mika-chan.

Simultaneously she looks to the sky and thinks of him. They share a promise.

The way stormy days often clear by evening: so it is with them.

Unlike his other girls, Mika gets off at 1AM.

While she changes back into clothes, Jokichi stops by a 24-hour drug store. He calls a taxi after and gets inside. He drinks canned coffee and catches his breath. Soon Mika-chan will be there to meet him. She will jog up to this spot as well.

Why do they do this so much? He doesn’t know. It seems to make her happy that they meet up at this place.

They return the apartment and shower together, then Jokichi reads to her aloud. His voice ekes out his mouth, his quiet voice just at her earside. He reads like this to her till 2AM.

Next: thirty minutes asking Mika how she feels while drinking beer.

Once the dawn breaks, they have sex. Mika-chan has lots of sex for work, so with him she wants it slow and sweetly. Gently, sleepily, Jokichi moves sweetly and slow.

They go to bed.

Just before falling asleep Mika asks Jokichi, “Same tomorrow?”

“Hmm”, he says. He rolls over in his sleep.

Yes, I want to be with him tomorrow, Mika thinks. She smiles and falls asleep as well.

The planets had aligned and thus a pimp materialized---an intelligent friend had told Mika this once. “Don’t be silly,” Jokichi had said when she’d repeated this to him. Mika, at the time, had laughed as well.

translator’s note: this one was hard as hell to put together, maybe past my abilities now. there’s a lot of slang in it, and i know nothing of japanese sex work. still: i tried my best to paper over these inadequacies. hopefully the story comes thru well

These are sex acts. Use your imagination. ↩

Club, by Shigesato Itoi

Mon, 05 Jan 2026 00:00:00 GMT

my translation of the twenty-fifth story (out of 99) of 夢で会いましょう [Meet Me in a Dream] by Haruki Murakami and Shigesato Itoi, not guaranteed to be accurate. see the intro post to read more!

I was watching one of those gossip shows. Friends had told me the tarot horoscopes they did were scary accurate. They read them out at the end of the program’s hour.

My fortune–I’m a Scorpio–was positive.

“Have you ever found a lost gold ring?” a woman in gypsy costume said with a conspiratorial confidence. “Your weekend will feel lucky as that.”

This sounded alright to me. Joyously, I chose to plan my day. I’d try something new, I’d be real brave. I was still essentially a child.

Next the woman read the cards for Pisces. She pulled a five of clubs.

“Beware of nightclubs after 5,” she interpreted.

Young and dumb and fully undissuaded, I stood from the kitchen table and considered my luck.

As usual, that day I’d slept in late.

Grape Drops, by Haruki Murakami

Mon, 05 Jan 2026 00:00:00 GMT

my translation of the twenty-sixth story (of 99) of 夢で会いましょう [Meet Me in a Dream] by Haruki Murakami and Shigesato Itoi, not guaranteed to be accurate. see the intro post to read more!

In 1806, when my Grape Drop father died, I was only ten. I became an orphan.

You’d think I’d have gotten sympathy, but no. This was a time many orphans, Grape Drops or not. Anywhere I went, with any person, one question hovered in the air: does tis world have any place for a Grape Drop orphan?

Even at the local orphanage I was bullied. There, Orange Drops and Lemon Drops held sway.

So we’ve got us a Grape Drop, huh? those types would say. Not heard of that one.

Soon enough, I ran away to the circus. I became a cowpuncher for them. The docile cattle there treated me nicely. The oldest fed me leftovers and heard out my Grape Drop woe.

I’m sure to have a mother somewhere, I told him. I’m certain she’s the best Grape Drop there is.

Ah, so you’d like some milk? said Papa Cattle. He was old for a cow, so his hearing had worn down.

Unfortunately, life wouldn’t stay easy so long. Papa Cattle was slaughtered soon and partitioned into cutlets. These cutlets were fed to the terrible lion. Perhaps you’d rather call him the great persnickety lion, as to all but beef he’d turn his head and growl. Anyhow, I was shattered and so I fled the circus. I joined the army, became a calvary dog. In 1889, versus Apache in battle, I tore three adult Indians to death with my teeth only, thus was given the sobriquet “White Fang”. The President invited me to the White House, but I politely declined. I had decided I had to find my mother.

The first I even heard of another Grape Drop was 1936, in the Spanish Civil War. I was in Madrid with Ernest Hemingway, drinking sherry.

Hey Ernest, I asked him. Can we talk?

He was dead drunk, head on table, face turned down. Therefore I smacked his head with my revolver, splashed ice water where the bruise would form.

Grapefruit! he attempted.

Wrong! I called. I smacked him one more time.

It would be three days before he sobered.

Grape Drops, he said. So you’re the Grape Drop child, huh.

Tell me, I demanded. Who’s the Grape Drop mom?

You shouldn’t ask. You don’t wanna know.

I pulled my revolver out again and clocked him.

Fine, he said. Oh fine. Your mother last summer, some revolutionary guys. They kidnapped her and used her for her body. It wasn’t nice. She fled and hid away as a tire repairman.

So I spent the next three years all the country, begging clues from every mechanic’s shop I found. I turned up nothing.

Dear Ernest, I wrote to Ernest Hemingway. Please, just tell me anything you can.

He didn’t know a thing. He said I’d have to ask John Steinbeck. So there I was, crashing the Nobel banquet in Stockholm. Afterwards, I waylaid him outside.

John, please tell me anything about Grape Drops.

Grape Drops, huh, he sighed. You know, I met one two years back, in a hamlet in Texas. I think she’d worn a hernia belt.

In order to cut back smoking, I recently tried sucking on grape drops. I wrote this story in their honor.

translator note: this ones an odd one. to try and recreate the zany tone, i went with a more orginal english voice, but i didn't change any details. give or take a thing, the story's this

Coca-Cola, by Shigesto Itoi

Fri, 13 Feb 2026 00:00:00 GMT

my translation of the forty-seventh story (out of 99) of 夢で会いましょう [Meet Me in a Dream] by Haruki Murakami and Shigesato Itoi, not guaranteed to be accurate. see the intro post to read more!

If you take the Coca-Cola company at their word, Coca-Cola was synthesized in a lab. They stake this claim out clear in PR and ads. But do only the barest bit of research and you’ll find a better truth: Coca-Cola comes from the natural world.

Let’s get our facts straight—the Coca-Cola company tells us they harvest their cola straight from Cola Trees in the jungles of Borneo, and this much is true! My regular readers know as well the taboo the native Dayaks there have towards Cola Trees: they’ll never touch them. It’s obscene. What you might not know is this—naturally formed, deep in mountains hidden by the forest, are what are known as Cola Taps. Spigots, valves, faucets, etc. You get the picture.

The Coca-Cola company in fact runs mining operations there. Cola Taps are strip mined. Worse (if you trust the record) these taps were discovered first by Conquistadors in the 16th century. The Spanish used the basin these taps form in to dispose waste—their human waste—meaning as toilet! No wonder the Dayaks came to avoid the place: it smelled of nothing more than olive oil rotting in the sun.

And that’s not it! North of this basin, behind the waterfall that feeds it, Cola Phials naturally form—always in twelves. The Dayak people consider the area sacred, as a space of divine gifts. Thus Cola Phials weren’t discovered till World War II, by a Japanese soldier, who was hiding there waiting for orders to ship back out: he’d found a phial and used it as a container to wash rice. A local elder (it was no secret to the Dayak this soldier was there) explained there were even more where that had come from—a near endless amount. There’s record of this even—look it up! Any paper, 1945, under Foreign Affairs.

Anyhow, let’s cut right to the chase: the Cokea Monkey. How does this creature fit in this?

The Cokea monkey: we may lack photo evidence, but other evidence shows he’s real. Since ancient times we know he’s gone to Cola Trees, fitted his Cola Taps inside them, filled his Cola Phials up. Even the MIC’s aware of that. FOIA requested records of NSF research—which I have, and will send if you dm—record exploratory interviews with Bornean fauna—orangutans, elephants, anunnaki, wasps, etc.—and even this revealed little more than the creatures fame. Maybe—maybe!—these animals’ silences told more than words. What might they have hid in secret smiles?

If history tells us anything, the powerful get the last laugh. This opinion, in fact, was shared by the NSF—very, very suspicious, concluded one redacted portion of their committee’s report.

Remember: speculation is only as true as the circumstances behind it.

More as I learn it.

translator's note: this was another difficult one for me, so i tried to disguise in pyrotechnics. i get the distinct impression some of these shorts are sort of one-and-dones, in the sense they're not the most thought out, so to hide both that and my own amateur inconsistencies, i've added the whole conspiracy theory twist. call it a 21st century update, or a somewhat loose interpretation. its like jazz

Shortstop, by Shigesto Itoi

Fri, 20 Feb 2026 00:00:00 GMT

my translation of the forty-seventh story (out of 99) of 夢で会いましょう [Meet Me in a Dream] by Haruki Murakami and Shigesato Itoi, not guaranteed to be accurate. see the intro post to read more!

So—is it the shortstop who scores points? (A certain friend of mine (much older) asked me this.)

Well, in a sense they can (I answered), but really their point is preventing other teams from scoring runs.

Ahh, yes I remember that. They make outs.

Yes, that’s true. But remember: plays can also be ruled safe.

Right, safe. And are short-hops related to shortstops?

Well, beyond the similarity in the words, I guess a shortstop could always short-hop a ball.

I see.

My friend went on and on with a real impressive amount of questions. E.g:

Is the bullpen where they keep the strong?
Where on the field is the slash line?

This guy—you can never give him a clear answer. No matter what I say, it doesn’t take.

Sometimes all I wanna do is sigh and tell him, Look man, that’s a homerun, that one’s safe. Et cetera.

translator's note: apologies if the baseball terms are terrible. i tried to do my best to adapt puns

Star Wars, by Haruki Murakami

Thu, 08 Jan 2026 00:00:00 GMT

A long time ago
At the limits of the Milky Way
The Yakult Swallows acheive victory…

1986/3/24
from “An Anthology of Yakult Swallows Poetry”

my translation of the forty-seventh story (out of 99) of 夢で会いましょう [Meet Me in a Dream] by Haruki Murakami and Shigesato Itoi, not guaranteed to be accurate. see the intro post to read more!

Avocado Black Bean Quesadillas

Mon, 29 Jan 2024 00:00:00 GMT

Ingredients

1/2 onion (sliced)
1/2 bell pepper (sliced)
1 tablespoon olive oil
1/2 cup black beans (drained)
1 tablespoon taco seasoning
4 medium soft flour tortillas
2 avocados (peeled, halved, seeded and sliced)
1/4 cup minced cilantro
1 lime (cut in half)
1 cup light Mexican (Cheddar or mozzarella cheese)
oil or cooking spray for grilling

Instructions

In a medium pan over medium-high heat, saute onion and bell pepper in 1 tablespoon oil for 2-3 minutes or until tender. Add the black beans and taco seasoning. Cook for another minute. Transfer mixture into a small bowl and set aside.
Rinse and wipe down pan and return to heat. Drizzle with a light layer of oil or spray with cooking spray.
In a small bowl, lightly mash the avocados with a fork. Stir in cilantro and juice of 1/2 lime, season with salt and pepper to taste. Spread a quarter of mashed avocado onto half of a tortilla. Top with bean mixture and 1/4th cup of cheese. Fold the tortilla closed over the veggies. Repeat until all tortillas are filled and all fillings are used.
Cook on medium-high heat for 2-3 minutes per side or until the outside is crispy and cheese has fully melted. Serve with your favorite salsa or sour-cream, Enjoy!

Notes

Xerox, by Shigesato-Itoi

Wed, 25 Feb 2026 00:00:00 GMT

my translation of the forty-seventh story (out of 99) of 夢で会いましょう [Meet Me in a Dream] by Haruki Murakami and Shigesato Itoi, not guaranteed to be accurate. see the intro post to read more!

It’s kinda wild that a guy who gets mad at a girl for putting her ass on the copier ends up being the guy who turns the same copier on my colleague’s telling me while shredding a vulgar result of this down into the trash but both are just as guilty of it is my complete thoughts on it and thinking on this while I talk I ask him hey want a copy of mine like my mouth’s gone rouge and made this decision its own and god almighty the shame that I’m suddenly bathed in but what’s that phrase ye who’s without sin throw the first stone and it’s all the Xerox’s fault anyway but again what’s that other old phrase love the sinner hate the sin and who says this wisdom can’t be held to the machine also and yeah I’m annoyed and completely embarrassed but its my place to yell out or complain but already the guys and the girls in the office have overheard this and they’ve all come around to laugh and throw insults and film me falling completely apart and I swear somewhere near very near I hear babies cry out and I have to wonder certainly this is a dream but then what do you know some new asshole’s come over and squashed down my dream in the copier too and the cops have been called and they’re here with the judge and the jury’s already come back and I’m sentenced death on a mimeograph cross in the company break room.

Translator's Note:

In the original Japanese, they spell it _Zerox_. I did _not_ respect this decision.

If you've read my original stuff (in English), you know I'm a lover of the long sentence, so as a challenge to myself I tried to maintain the original's lack of punctuation—something much harder to do in English, lacking particles to indicate parts of speech. In their place I _attempted_ to use rhythm to offer a little guidance, in imitation of spoken language. Did it work? I don't know.

Also: italics is _technically_ cheating, but god did I feel i needed it.

Baked Flounder with Panko and Parmesan

Sun, 07 Apr 2024 00:00:00 GMT

Ingredients

4 (4 ounce) flounder fillets
4 tablespoons butter, melted, divided
1 cup panko bread crumbs
⅔ cup grated Parmesan cheese
½ teaspoon salt
1 pinch dried thyme
ground black pepper to taste

Directions

Preheat the oven to 400 degrees F (200 degrees C). Lightly grease a large, shallow baking dish.
Lay flounder fillets in the prepared baking dish and brush with 1 tablespoon butter.
Combine remaining 3 tablespoons butter with bread crumbs, Parmesan cheese, salt, thyme, and pepper in a bowl; sprinkle over flounder and pat down lightly.
Bake in the preheated oven until fish flakes easily with a fork, 15 to 20 minutes.
Carefully transfer fillets to a plate with a thin spatula.

Beer, by Haruki Murakami

Wed, 04 Mar 2026 00:00:00 GMT

			-- In honor of 
			   Jingu Stadium

Matsoka's home runs are not
          hit for me
—— So the unhappy
          beer vendor tells us

1981/5/16
from “An Anthology of Yakult Swallows Poetry”

my translation of the seventy-fifth story (out of 99) of 夢で会いましょう [Meet Me in a Dream] by Haruki Murakami and Shigesato Itoi, not guaranteed to be accurate. see the intro post to read more!

Broiled Tofu

Sun, 07 Apr 2024 00:00:00 GMT

get you some solid tofu, like they have at restaurants

ingredients

3 tosps vegetable oil
3 tosps soy sauce (reduced sodium)
⅞ lb firm tofu, sliced into 1x2-inch rectangles
2 tsps rice vinegar
½ tsp sesame oil

instructions

the night before, press ya tofu.
- i wanna try doing a marinade step here as well, but i haven’t yet. just use the sauce described in step 3 below
day of, heat the broiler to high and arrange a rack in the top third. Line a baking sheet with foil and drizzle with 1 tablespoon of the oil.
Whisk the soy sauce, rice vinegar, and remaining oil in a medium bowl. Add the tofu pieces and turn to coat. Lay them on the baking sheet and set the remaining sauce aside.
Broil until browned all over, about 20 minutes total, turning the tofu over every few minutes.

Chia Seed Pudding

Sun, 07 Apr 2024 00:00:00 GMT

INGREDIENTS

1 cup almond milk, unsweetened
1/4 cup chia seeds
1 1/2 tsp honey
1/4 tsp cinnamon
1/4 tsp vanilla extract
1 cup blueberries

INSTRUCTIONS

In a small bowl or jar, combine the almond milk, chia seeds, honey, cinnamon, and vanilla and whisk to combine. Cover with plastic wrap and refrigerate for at least 3 hours or overnight.
Top with blueberries before serving.

Command Strips Pasta

Sun, 07 Apr 2024 00:00:00 GMT

This homemade energy bar recipe is the perfect wholesome snack! It’s naturally sweet, featuring oats, chia seeds, and pecans.

Ingredients

1 tbsp of olive oil
fresh dill, how ever much makes your heart sing
juice from 1/2 lemon
1 cup of pasta (i use veggie-based because they have hella protein)
handful of spinach
1 tbsp of vegan butter
1/2 can of chickpeas
salt and pepper

Instructions

while the pasta is boiling, saute the chickpeas in a pan until they’re browned a bit or however you like them. turn off the heat and then put the handful of spinach on top and cover the pan so they can wilt.

when the pasta is done, drain it, put it back in the pot with the butter, dill, and lemon juice. turn the heat back on and add everything in the other pan and add a bunch of black pepper and a little salt.

Notes

add a little salt or spice blend when ya cooking the chickpeas dingo!
dried dill is fine
parm on top? you vegan-killer
try garlic next time?

Date Bars

Sun, 07 Jan 2024 00:00:00 GMT

This homemade energy bar recipe is the perfect wholesome snack! It’s naturally sweet, featuring oats, chia seeds, and pecans.

Ingredients

15 Medjool dates (9 ounces)*
1 cup raw pecan halves
1/2 cup gluten free oats
1 tablespoon chia seeds
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1/2 teaspoon cinnamon
1/4 teaspoon kosher salt

Instructions

Preheat the oven to 200F.
Remove the pits from the dates with your fingers (they come right out!). Place the dates in the food processor and process or pulse until they are mainly chopped and a rough texture forms. Then add the remaining ingredients and process for a minute or so until a crumbly dough forms.
Line a baking sheet or jelly roll pan with parchment paper. Dump the dough into the center of the parchment paper and use a rolling pin to roll it into a rectangle that is 6” x 10.5”. Cut the dough into 14 bars that are 1.5” x 3”. (You don’t have to be as precise as we were, but we found it was easiest for cutting uniform bars!)
Bake the bars for 30 minutes (this step helps to make the texture more dry and less sticky). Cool the bars to room temperature, then store refrigerated in a sealed container between sheets of wax paper. If you’d like to package them for on the go snacking, cut out 4” x 6” rectangles of wax paper, wrap them around the bars, and secure them with tape. Stays good for 1 month refrigerated (or more, but they may not last that long!).

Notes

it technically works in the blender! Hooray
If you leave out nuts, say you’ve forgotten to buy them, use less dates or more oats: it gets real sticky and hard to fashion
Possibly also don’t blend the dates first, for similar reasons
Roll them out between two parchment sheets
Use the bench scraper to cut them

Easy Black Bean Tortilla Soup

Wed, 30 Nov 2022 05:00:00 GMT

Ingredients

3 tbsp olive oil
1 large sweet onion (diced)
3 cloves garlic (minced)
1 teas ground cumin
2 chipotle peppers (seeded and diced)
2 15 oz. cans black beans (drained and rinsed)
1 ½ c. sweet corn
1 28 oz. can diced tomatoes
4 corn tortillas (chopped)
1 qt. vegetable stock
Salt and pepper
6-8 corn tortillas (sliced)
2 tbsp olive oil
1 teas chili powder
1 teas kosher salt
1 teas black pepper
Fresh jalapenos
Limes
Cilantro

Instructions

In a large dutch oven, add olive oil and diced onions. Cook until onions are translucent over medium heat, about 3-4 minutes. Then add minced chipotle peppers (opt.) and garlic. Stir to combine.
Add in drained and rinsed black beans, corn, and tomatoes along with vegetable stock. Bring to a simmer.
Add in chopped corn tortillas and simmer on low for 10 minutes. Tortillas should mostly dissolve. Season soup well with salt and pepper.
Serve soup with any all garnishes you want, but most importantly crispy corn strips (or corn tortilla chips in a pinch).
For Crispy Corn Strips:
Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Slice corn tortillas and toss with olive oil, chili powder, salt and pepper. Spread them out on a baking sheet lined with parchment paper.
Bake corn strips for 15 minutes, stirring once halfway through.
Remove corn strips and let cool. They will continue to crisp up as they cool.
Freeze this soup by letting it cool down to room temperature. Then transfer to freezer safe bags. Stores in the freezer for up to 3 months. Reheat slowly on the stovetop.

Notes

Garlic Butter Salmon in Foil

Mon, 23 May 2016 21:00:57 GMT

Easiest tin foil dinner! Simply bake right in your foil packet. Quick, easy, and effortless with seriously zero clean-up!!

Ingredients

1/2 cup unsalted butter (melted)
1 tablespoon brown sugar
1 tablespoon lemon juice
3 cloves garlic (minced)
1/2 teaspoon dried oregano
1/2 teaspoon dried thyme
1/2 teaspoon dried rosemary
Kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper (to taste)
2 pounds salmon
2 tablespoons chopped fresh parsley leaves

Instructions

Preheat oven to 375 degrees F. Line a baking sheet with foil.
In a small bowl, whisk together butter, brown sugar, lemon juice, garlic, oregano, thyme, rosemary, salt and pepper, to taste.
Place salmon onto prepared baking sheet and fold up all 4 sides of the foil. Spoon the butter mixture over the salmon. Fold the sides of the foil over the salmon, covering completely and sealing the packet closed.
Place into oven and bake until cooked through, about 15-20 minutes.
Serve immediately, garnished with parsley, if desired.

Notes

Half the salmon and while its cooking, make some pasta, steam some broccoli, mix both together in a bowl with salt and pepper, whatever seasoning you want. Take the cooked salmon from its soft butter cocoon, pour the butter in the pasta, mix as well. now, you’ve got a dinner and a half

Gigi Hadid Pasta

Mon, 12 Sep 2022 12:30:19 GMT

Ingredients

1 lb pasta shape of your choice ((I recommend orecchiette or small shells))
1/2 cup olive oil
1/2 cup diced shallot or red onion
1 1/2 tsp minced garlic ((from about 2 cloves))
1/2 cup tomato paste
2 Tbsp vodka ((you can omit if you don’t want to use))
1 cup heavy cream
1 tsp red pepper flakes ((can use more or less or omit altogether and add at the end to individual dishes))
1 tsp salt
1/2 tsp pepper
2 Tbsp unsalted butter
1/2 cup grated parmesan cheese, (plus more for topping)
Chopped basil, (for topping)

Instructions

Bring a large pot of lightly salted water to a boil. Cook pasta according to package instructions. When draining, reserve about 1/2 cup of pasta water.
While pasta is cooking, add olive oil to a large skillet over medium heat. When hot, add shallot or onion and cook until it begins to soften, about 5 minutes. Add garlic and cook until fragrant, about one minute.
Add tomato paste and stir. Let cook for 3-4 minutes until it’s starting to brown/caramelize a bit.
Stir vodka into sauce and let cook for about 1 minute.
Add heavy cream, red pepper flakes, salt, and pepper and stir to combine. Remove from heat.
Add cooked pasta, reserved pasta water, and butter to skillet and toss to coat pasta in sauce. Stir in parmesan cheese.
Serve pasta topped with additional parmesan and chopped basil.

Notes

It was cold but we went to Wendy’s to get free frosties. We got keyfobs that let us do this, from S—‘s dad. This makes us part of a rare and very exclusive club: pescatarians¹ who occasionally go to Wendy’s. this is an absolute waste of time (especially when its cold out), but nothing worthwhile is not a waste of time. Joy is felt best outside of existence’s upkeep. This is the first lesson Gigi Hadid’s pasta taught.

ugly word ↩

Gigi Hadid Pasta

Mon, 26 Feb 2024 00:00:00 GMT

Ingredients

1 lb pasta shape of your choice ((I recommend orecchiette or small shells))
1/2 cup olive oil
1/2 cup diced shallot or red onion
1 1/2 tsp minced garlic ((from about 2 cloves))
1/2 cup tomato paste
2 Tbsp vodka ((you can omit if you don’t want to use))
1 cup heavy cream
1 tsp red pepper flakes ((can use more or less or omit altogether and add at the end to individual dishes))
1 tsp salt
1/2 tsp pepper
2 Tbsp unsalted butter
1/2 cup grated parmesan cheese, (plus more for topping)
Chopped basil, (for topping)

Instructions

Bring a large pot of lightly salted water to a boil. Cook pasta according to package instructions. When draining, reserve about 1/2 cup of pasta water.
While pasta is cooking, add olive oil to a large skillet over medium heat. When hot, add shallot or onion and cook until it begins to soften, about 5 minutes. Add garlic and cook until fragrant, about one minute.
Add tomato paste and stir. Let cook for 3-4 minutes until it’s starting to brown/caramelize a bit.
Stir vodka into sauce and let cook for about 1 minute.
Add heavy cream, red pepper flakes, salt, and pepper and stir to combine. Remove from heat.
Add cooked pasta, reserved pasta water, and butter to skillet and toss to coat pasta in sauce. Stir in parmesan cheese.
Serve pasta topped with additional parmesan and chopped basil.

Notes

ugly word ↩

Pickled Onions

Wed, 29 Nov 2023 20:22:23 GMT

They go on everything.

Ingredients

Red Onions, undefined
Vinegar, 1 part
Water, 1 part
Salt, a big pinch

Instructions

Very thinly slice the red onions from root to stem and add them to a jar.
Add equal parts vinegar and water to a pot (use enough to submerge the onions in the jar) with a big pinch of salt (2% by weight if you want to measure). Set the pot on the stove and bring to a boil. Turn off the heat.
Pour the hot pickling liquid over the onions until they are completely submerged or the jar is filled.
Cover and let sit in the fridge for at least 2 hours before serving. The pink color will get deeper the more days they sit (keep in the fridge).
Put them on everything & enjoy.

Notes

try the other one you got bookmarked next time, for learning

Books from 2024!

Wed, 01 Jan 2025 00:00:00 GMT

Stats

i read 160 books and i will not apologize for this even if no one wants me to

Favs (in no order)

Ishmael Reed - Mumbo Jumbo

I already knew I loved it, but haven’t read it in years. Got a copy with birthday money. There’s a certain wholehearted embrace of the movie of it, but not in contrast with the historicity of it. in short: what if da vinci code was actually good

Hirohiko Araki - Jojo’s - Steel Ball Run

Hirohiko Araki understands america. The president, under the thumb of business, is searching out the corpse of Jesus. I believe that this actually occurred

Kenzaburō Ōe - A Personal Matter

My second Oe, and my first of his earlier, crasser stuff. It’s so good, like a plainer Faulkner! I’m current reading Silent Cry now, which ofc colors how i look at this one, but still: the cruelty, the hopelessness, the selfishness. Oe knows how to dig a massive hole

Alison Bechdel - Fun Home

Borrowed from a friend, read it in two days, immediately bought a copy. look, there’s a lot to say about it, but let’s be honest: proust is a major organizing force in the book. i have to love it if only for that

Helen DeWitt - The Last Samurai

Not my first DeWitt (see below), but DAMN is it a good one. i almost want to call it a full fledged defense of never being dumb, of intelligence not as some bourgeois self-inflation tactic or calvinist method to enter into the chosen, safe forever, but damn, who cares, the book’s just nice. it gets perhaps my highest compliment ever: the book feel like it simply is

Heinrich von Kleist - Michael Kohlhaas

one hundred and something years ago, some little dude took in a big breath and then, before he’d pushed it out, he’d written the funniest fucking maniacal revenge story ever. i get why kafka called him brother. getting some mad at someone over nothing you destroy your own life and the lives of those around you is simply the essence of 2024

Jack Womack - Random Acts of Senseless Violence

one of my favorite books ever. equal parts parody and tragedy. maybe i love it cause i was raised conservative. what if the fears of the suburb types were right? what if the america really was a terror? people will still have to live

Other Notable Books

Genzaburo Yoshino - How Do You Live

Read because the Ghibli movie, which is really different. The movie is a fantasy about how one lives after fascism, the book seems to be about how to live within fascism, or at least a nationalist proto-fascism. Very relevant to the present, huh :(

Helen DeWitt - The English Understand Wool

it’s my first DeWitt, and still the funniest book i’ve read in ages. i read it in one sitting at a fast-food restaurant waiting for food (this isn’t a brag, it took FOREVER), then i bought all the rest of her books

Earthsea Books

I had sampled these before without much interest (not the fantasy type). I liked them more than expected, tbh, mostly The Tombs of Atuan and Tehanu, the slow ones I guess. Still not a huge fan, but I’m glad to have like… seen em.

Franz Kafka - Amerika

Every Kafka book is in and of itself notable

Haruki Murakami - The City and Its Uncertain Walls

First full-length japanese novel I’ve ever read

2025!

Sat, 03 Jan 2026 00:00:00 GMT

other 2025 posts!

books

i intended to write a yearly post reviewing what i did but, get this! i waited too long and now its too far into the year!!

cold wind on my arm
the windows open by the heater
there are two of me

we’ll leave thus here a template if i do this next year

my three daughers devlog 1

Thu, 24 Jul 2025 00:00:00 GMT

at the start of working on my three daughters, i wanted to put together a sort of planning document on the project: its goals, its affect, how i want to put it together, so on. in short:

a (long form) piece of interactive fiction i’m calling (with no apologies to the more widely used chinese term) a web-novel
written in my favorite, signiture fragments
the verbs of choice are search, contemplate, and lie

influence

the story’s old, but the idea for how to structure it’s basically a straight line from her story and other sam barlow games: FMV hyperlink games in which you, the unseen character, seek out answers as well as the questions that led to them. this fit perfectly into the story i had because

story

i hadn’t quite the shape of it yet, only the idea, as well as a title and a first line. the title: my three daughers. the first line: I have two daughters, of which I’m very proud. there’s a lot more to the story, subject to change bc im writing it still now, but the whole idea’s already there: the title has three daughters, the mother only claims two. why’s she lying and what about?

fusion

writing a liar is easy, everyone does it, its old hat. what i struggled with more was the second aspect of my narrator’s personality: avoidance. every time i sat down to draft the story, the same issue recurred. either i’d go on to long describing the other’s daughters, the mother’s life, the themes of the story, anything, in order to put off the “reveal” of the obvious third daughter for too long or, conversely, i’d bring the daughter up too soon, immediately crashing the illusion of the book

(of course, aside, writing avoidant characters is maybe the major struggle of my work, but at least im not usually doing first person, where they gotta do it. like all great works of art, avoidant obsessions are never best described by those who bring them into the world)

thus (see title of this part) my current draft for the story: what if we add another person to the mix, a player so to speak. the mother doesn’t want to tell the story and never will, but what if we add someone external who wants to hear it? you, dear reader/player, can be the active participant (i hope it works)

experiential shape

i dont have a sam barlow sized budget or any real interest in video, but i do got wikipedia. the shape of the story’s simple then: split the narrative into nodes, each which hyperlinks out to a few others. users can click on the words that interest them most (of course, the prose will influence this), and the computer will keep track of what they click. as more information comes out, the nodes will expand or change to reflect that. this way my narrator can lie and leave things out, but the reader/player can drill down into the text until lies break

how tho?

i’m writing the fragments in a notebook now, with lots of underlines, annotations, and arrows pointing out where text will change
eventually, i’ll put this in the browser, my text-renderer of choice, and use javascript to track a lot of boolean seen/unseen flags
i’m not yet sure how to store the text once its written. json seems “standard” given this is 2025 and i know javascript, but im tempted by the more heavily structured shape of xml, maybe bc while working i’ve been watching gdc talks on caves of qud. the biggest deciding factor will probably be how to deal with small bits of updating text (ie “two daughters” -> “three daughters”), whose arbitrary shape may be easier to read in xml

issues

how to type it up: ie, markdown that generates the pages, or straight into code
length: how long would someone wanna read it?
save/loading (just cause i’ve never done it before). it might be nice to hash the save data into the url as well, for use with browser syncing and bookmarks
readers: who will read it

end

not sure if i’ll have many devlogs on this till im further into a coding stage, but its so far been fun. bye bye

pinky! (2025-01 weekly post)

Mon, 05 Jan 2026 00:00:00 GMT

i would like to be making these posts much longer now, or at least more detailed, as in retrospectives or narratives rather than posts. i imagined it as a “resolution” of sorts. but this week S has had a fever, and im mostly caring for her

writing: i’ve been sporadic and i’ve been slow. this is required. the week between christmas and new years is the actual holiday week: time to rest and look at snow and in exaggerated distress ponder if next year it will come. i worked on Scott and Bianca and translations

(im writing this in a put upon rigid voice)

(i am watching a movie as well right now)

bullet (2025-02 weekly post)

Mon, 12 Jan 2026 00:00:00 GMT

a return to work, a return to a regular sort of sleeping schedule

making food with yogurt, making a new food thats called “pastina”

the writing page edge

i have been deep in this Scott and Bianca fiasco now. additionally, revising stories and i wrote a letter to people begging for represenation., The Girl. its very good. please buy it

also: this year tryna hit a translation from meet me in a dream this year. so on that

the BIG EVENT of the week (sleepy, januarily) was finally putting up pictures on the walls. they are not ALL up, but let’s accept the facts: this new apartment, bc theres more rooms, has more waals, and so many more places for pictres. we have an unreasonable number (2) of tvs. puctrires are what you put up to be forgotten. happy memories slide back in time

i am, for no reason other than my own, attempting to watch a movie a dayand review on letterboxd, so see mee there

i am a somewhat terrible representer of Self, thus part of why i try these blog posts. i have corn-kid catholic issues with presentinG self. every day., once a day, i am reading thomas pycnhon. maybe pretend im the same as him

in a word: embarassing (2025-05 weekly post)

Mon, 02 Feb 2026 00:00:00 GMT

S— is deeply deep into learning Steno, even practining on weekends, so while sitting with her on the couch (outside too cold to want to leave the house) i’ve got back into final fantasy 7 remake. get this: i love the battle system. i love the jokes. navigating is difficult in a high fidelity world but i dont care, i still enjoy it

but here we are, in a place meant for writing updates. this is not a final fantasy spot

i’ve been stitching together parts of Scott and Bianca and i love it. its fun. im attempting to write freely and foolishly, like on the blog, following a discursive pattern first then character, story. after all: these characters are very distant from themselves, caught in machinery. im also doing some more translations, Meet Me In A Dream, but my current one, abt Cola Cola, is dense with words i dont know, or playful terms, thus it takes longer. i may look into joining a local japanese language group to force myself some new accountability. if so, ill decide by tomorrow

I THINK WHAT I MEAN TO SAY IS that I LOVE GRAVITYS RAINBOW

the windows startup noise (2026-06 weekly post)

Mon, 09 Feb 2026 00:00:00 GMT

I’ve been rejected by one literary agent (quickly—honestly nice!), so even tho I was looking for more already, now I’m doing so a different way.

More importantly: writing Bianca and Scott, the deepest portions in the home, my favorite part

Life occurred therfore i didnt write as muich as id have watned, expecially translations. Gonna try to join a japanese accountability book for the translations. Cool cool cool

And Pico 8

And reading books

and watching Movies

ANd I beleive the world is real and have not wriiten diary entrys this week much

(aside at later time: i often dream of falling bombs. i have for years now. i am reading thomas pynchon gravutys rainbow now and so its happening more. can you believe what i have to put up with?)

trey parker and matt stone are in hell (2026-08 weekly post)

Mon, 23 Feb 2026 00:00:00 GMT

today i found a bookshelf in my apartments lobby and im thinking about where to put it in the apartment. here’s this: there’s lots of space in little corners, but the shelf is BLUE!! a wonderful teal blue, of course, and beautiful, but for its beauty hard to find a non-conspicuous space: it contrasts in color and shape!

anyways, im thinking ill sneak it over here (i am gesturing to a location), and hope with some decoration it fits in well

writing? reflections on events?

among other things, there has been snow

new meet me in a dream story out, actually made it in a week this time! been, also, focusing (this week somewhat limited!) writing time on Scott and Bianca, at abt the 3/4 point—which means disintegration. the POV gets closer and closer and closer till we’re trapped with Bianca falling asleep in someone’s closet, then it bursts into an essay feel. i like it, writing. i hope to like it reading too

still havent been recording my own life events as i used to SO I FORGET WHAT HAPPENS BY WEEK. if i wanna do reflextions here, i oughtta do that, huh

playing Kingdom Hearts with S——: the most frustrating game start in the world

in conclusion, this

basically an answer to a question (2026-09 weekly post)

Mon, 02 Mar 2026 00:00:00 GMT

arrange your lifes events by alphabetical. does it change how you experience life?

last week was, unremarkably, full of snow: the blizzard monday, snowmen that night (i need to learn a way to upload pictures), walking many nights out thru the cold to ie bars, skating rinks, dropping off medicine at train stations, karaoke. men yelling: monday to thank snow shovelers (who didnt care), sunday at low-wage workers at wendy’s, for making him wait a whole half hour, for which knocking down plastic shelves seemed proper payment

im having fun writing this-like. not incidentally, reading Djuna Barnes

but the worlds been very bad this week. you know this. you and me both live in it. in addition a very good friend is moving out of town and i dont want this. shouganai

writing

new translation post. getting deep into Scott and Bianca. wrote the chapter of the Human Fuck House. futzing with failure at interactive poems. one day ill get there (or die first)

etc

An Analysis (weekly flash 2025-22)

Thu, 29 May 2025 00:00:00 GMT

Regarding self-immolation, I am terribly afraid. This makes a bit of sense on its face, of course: fire’s already frighting before one even considers the flesh, but once the fire and flesh have touched the result is terror itself: the melting and the charring and pain as well, or perhaps more shockingly the skeleton, which seems (once the fire has reached a certain cohesion) to take over for the musculature as the body’s defining shape. This is nothing more than the fear of fire, of course: a fear as common as worker ants or potholes, as meaningless (almost) as natural fact. Our focus then should be on the words themselves: immolation and its prefix self.

Immolation, as well, is perhaps self-evident: a fear of flame to its completion, as it were: sensation to the point sensation ends. Self is the part that’s strange, as self must muddle motivations. One doesn’t burst to flame as by mistake, as in spontaneous combustion, but rather methodically engages at first in a simple act of purchase, in order to gain such fluid as gasoline, perhaps as well (depending on personal habit) a lighter, the first of several soaking rags, a video camera, microphone equipment, an inconspicuous car, a sufficient map. One does not transform oneself by accident either but rather studies considered patterns of security cameras, memorizes guard schedules, routes, calculates moments long enough a body, once burnt, cannot be doused back to partial silencing recovery by its bold statement’s first audience, the simple or instrumental protectors of property and the sort at the scene of the crime, security types, idiot viewers, certain the greatest act a man might partake in is to recover another’s life, as death by definition (the fool believes) is always meaningless, or if it contains a meaning it’s only a demerit of a sort, a failure maintain duty, not a transmission, one much for meaningful than words, so strong it defies and redefines reality: I at least take no part. The act must be intentional. I, the immolatee, must control it.

j, my counselor tells me, don’t you find the meaning of your terrors apparent? Recall previous discussions of your time spent underground. Not many people have dealt with the literal experience of being held against their will, tied in an acrylic box beneath the earth, dirt and worms and falling rain so tantalizing visible overtop one’s head, etc. The body finds a stasis, you know, with habit. Perhaps we can presume this one result of a sudden resumption of free will, a renewed sort of terror in what you’re now able to do. What if control’s not so different from its lack? Are you understanding?

I close my eyes, we’re only on the phone: she doesn’t notice. These thoughts (even my fears) are just ideas. I am material. I try for the moment to focus on my breath. No matter what I do, the breaths go on.

(weekly flash 2025-24)

Thu, 12 Jun 2025 00:00:00 GMT

mother no don't    stop me in
    my dance those are  not clouds of
        dirt or sand        they are my
            family my life           and now my
                    legacy and when      i run through
                    them i hurt    my eyes

beyonce is a nuanced proposition (2026-07 weekly post)

Mon, 16 Feb 2026 00:00:00 GMT

week 7 of 2026: a week’s worth of weeks. a week of weeks. im weak

of note: finished translation of coca-cola from meet me in a dream—an itoi one. never know where to put my paltry advertisements for those, as there’s (so far as i know) not a huge collection of itoi fictions fans, ya know. earthbound places? my feeling is they’re more a fandom place interested in their rpg friends, so id be only selfishly self-promoting.

instead i leave it here for you folks, guess: enjoy, my possibly existnt readers

additionally:

scottin thru that bianca: slower as busier week

stopped traditional diary entries: ought to go back

valentines day: the snow melts

maybe, in future, actual retrospection here!

Scooby Doo (weekly flash 2025-23)

Thu, 05 Jun 2025 00:00:00 GMT

In an early draft the story became a Scooby-Doo fan fiction. This was never intended or by design, but rather a convenience of the familiar: the story needed several characters at once and the setting, a gothic castle almost dangling off the edge a narrow cliff, seemed to require a counterpoint of innocence, five young friends (one so near-mythically child-like any competent reader would understand the symbol he was) against the endless night, colorful clothing as though to pollute the corridors and halls, which to this point had only been blue and gold, in each color’s darkest variation, and silent save for arbitrary whispering or creaks. Why were the children there? Did it even matter? They had captured their prey as they always did, their target, clad in the rusted shell of a now-black armor, fallen over down onto the ground. The children surrounded the knight as though to prevent its escape, though it had given up the ghost. Perhaps for the first time ever, their target had died. Purple smoke seeped out of perforations in its helmet, around where the body beneath might have had its eyes, and it pooled or perhaps clouded above the children, blinking now and then as it started to swirl, as though to imitate a hurricane. —Ru-roh, said the most innocent child.

I was living that year in Miami, which I’m assured was nice. It would be a lie to say I stayed indoor most of the time, afraid of heat and interstates and people, but lies are sometimes better than the truth, the way a photograph is better than your vision, as it lasts beyond the moment, and details can be zoomed it. I read the draft on a visit to a friend.

—It’s like a dream, he said, in that there seems to be no ending. No beginning either, I guess, it’s just you’re there forever experiencing, the gang around the knight as he bleeds out.

—When you were writing it? I asked.

—No, he said.

—To read it?

He thought a moment, or stalled, either which manifested as staring at his coffee, unpeeling layers from its paper sleeve the way that I, in nervous moments, unpeel the skin around my thumb.

—The entirety of the image, he said, pressing his most recent peel back. Everything, I think, exists already, so I was just marking it down.

In the story next the cloud was forming words. It was unclear (from clumsy detail work) if it spoke or transmitted thoughts, but the words were at least described as being purple, the way a day might be called warm or cold. It was praying to the children, describing death in abstract detail. It begged forgiveness for the way it manuevered life.

—No, Fred said at once. We cannot offer absolution.

—Yeah man, Shaggy said. Like, we’re no different from you.

—I can only assume you’re attempting to use us, Velma said.

—Look to yourself, Daphne advised.

—What are you even trying to say with this? I asked my friend.

—Some things are images, he said.

It made no sense. I couldn’t see his story as anything more than a joke, at best, a failure or embarrassment at worst. Nothing occurred. Events just happened. It was one more moment among many, none the same.

reading, 2025 week 4

Tue, 28 Jan 2025 00:00:00 GMT

of note:

read Paul Celan for the first time. holy shit is that the shit. beautiful nonsense that becomes, within two lines, suddenly devastating

writing, 2025 week 4

Tue, 28 Jan 2025 00:00:00 GMT

last week, i started revisions on my little novel of derealization, The Girl, and continued on it this week. been doing it mostly during lunch breaks, for about an hour, and took the weekend off. our girl just made her way through the third door. things will soon unravel

also: attempted an intro paragraph to reimagined versions of Kossler! in my head while walking to the library, then on my phone in the cold outside, struggling to move my fingers right. lets hope its worth it

2025-5 weekly post

Wed, 05 Feb 2025 00:00:00 GMT

Writing

continued revisions this week for ‘the girl’. disassociation and derealism’s begun. in essence, i worked on the part where its just a line of uncomfortably sequenced short stories with only hints of delineation, so of course i love these parts

in addition:

messing with more heightened kossler fantasy voice. is it tending too bolaño or bernhard? perhaps. but that just leads to more joyful revision.
submitted somewhere. tbh i forget, cause im not back to keeping records yet. hope they adore me

Other projects

drafting out new devlogs for my ants, often away from home and on my phone, in lines for bathrooms

Books

of note:

started JG Ballard high rise, hell yes
back to Solenoid (taking in a section again as audiobook). by the time i finish ill likely have been reading for six months
read a couple tiny indie comix

Other media

Ethel Cain never made sense to me till Perverts. Now I will defend her to the death
i liked this talk
saw Dan Deacon perform at a ballet; it was so damn good that he wasn’t even the highlight

2025-6 weekly post

Tue, 11 Feb 2025 00:00:00 GMT

Writing

still on ‘The Girl’. only wrote 4 days this week, got into the next step of disassociation. we’re into the nightmares, the soldiers, the bars

in addition:

finished a new intro to Kossler on my phone. its nice to write in the notes app. i havent done so in a decade
another submission. im trying to submit on thursdays now, but i’m still not recording (oops). maybe later i’ll have details that count

Other projects

made a really stupid game at a game jam
still writing on the ants. had a very busy week outside the home, so i haven’t done much

Books

dipped into proust some. lots of short stories, of course. again, busy week, right. right? right?

Other

Nope! I played lots of zelda instead of reading. Tears of the Kingdom. i am in an imagined world, wondering around. i am chilling it the depths. im really enjoying the game, for only being pointless

also went to a david lynch drag tribute. someone did a striptease as the lost highway mystery man (10/10, transcendent)

2025-7 weekly post

Wed, 19 Feb 2025 00:00:00 GMT

Writing

another 4 day week for ‘The Girl’; i got sick at the end of the week. we’re at the point now of highest violence now (i think), or at the very least when her personality vanishes. this is the heavy shit

in addition:

wrote more Kossler! on my phone
revised “Hans” for a submission. i haven’t sent it in yet, but i will this week, assuming i feel less sick soon

Other projects

reading the pico-8 manual, for fun and pleasure

Books

of interest:

The Haunting of Lin-Manuel Miranda: this play slaps! Ishmael Reed is indominable
stated How To Read Nancy, which has been great

note: i oughta get to work on puttin my reading log here, as well in public. one of these days, huh

Other

saw “His Motorbike, Her Island” as the Japan Society near the UN on Valentines day, a movie by the director of House, it was nice

2025-8 weekly post

Tue, 25 Feb 2025 00:00:00 GMT

Writing

only revised ‘The Girl’ one day this week, as I’ve been doing some story revisions for submissions: my cigarettes and my ponce de leon story, both of which (i noticed this week) pull the same sort of sudden shift into the absurd to explain abstractions. i’ve got techniques

in submissions: sent my hans story in, reading a few for another place. i actually recorded where this week, but i dont know if its like verboten to post this in the semi-public world of the blog. but i am, as they say, working now

Other projects

little of note. i was sick this week, as an excuse

Books

of interest:

finished Solenoid, by Mircea Cărtărescu, after months. i have opinions abt that

Other

lots of sickness and Zelda
watching the new severances now

2025-10 weekly post

Tue, 11 Mar 2025 00:00:00 GMT

a calmer week, a recovery week; attempting to resume a manic style

Writing

finished another draft of ‘the girl’. i really like this one now, its solidifying into something. in a month or so i’ll re-read and see how i feel about it, if its ready for desperate attempts at notice by the world

also thinking of new ideas for ‘the revolution’, adding a thematically facetious “generative” style

Other projects

cooking, posting, finished reading the manual of pico-8. in addition i made a stack of personal randomization cards, as a method of navigating life without control

Books

went to several bookstores. new york’s nice. there are so many book stores.

Other

now, after swans, ive been listening to michael gira solo projects. i get the impression he might be a violent man
also: stevie wonder, secret life of plants. imagine an alternate world where he kept this style up, avant-light synthesizer songs, pop-style blue gene tyranny… i loved this album lots
went to some live tv recordings
still playing zelda. i dont wanna stop lol. its very good

2025-9 weekly post

Tue, 04 Mar 2025 00:00:00 GMT

big week: apartment searching and (unfortunately) terrible anxiety upswell. .˙. week of low creativity

Writing

a week of revisions mostly. did line edits to my Ponce de Leon story and typed last week’s revisions of my first cigarette story up. both stories were fun to return to

also, got interest back from an agent for Kossler!, two or three weeks after i decided to give up lol. i submitted the whole text to the agent, i hope they want to represent me!

no the girl revision this week though, gotta get back to that

Other projects

none lol, see above

Books

nothing much of interest, slower week. started reading about DBT, for reasons obvious

Other

listened to lots of post-2010 swans
listened to a lot of Tom Scott lateral podcasts
played a lot of zelda
caught up with severance

2025-11 weekly post

Wed, 19 Mar 2025 00:00:00 GMT

went to LA for a long weekend

Writing

revised on “a cliff”, my short about christian plants; started a long overdue revision of “the revolution”; tryna translate “we mimes” to japanese, for practice

Other projects

finally back to writing up about my pico-8 ants :)

Books

i’m reading clarise lispector now. everyones reading clarice lispector now. ive seen multiple strangers this week read her books. also been listening to werner herzog’s memoirs, as though to look for literary foils

Other

listened to music on planes cam you BELIEVE! (mostly blue gene tyranny)

2025-12 weekly post

Tue, 25 Mar 2025 00:00:00 GMT

recovery week, revokery week, allergy symptoms rising week, alright

Writing

notes app flash, old story revision, translations when i have time

onto ch 2 of the Revolution and quite happy with where it is. trying to solidify the so-callable internal logic, in order that the pointless continuity is even more solid, as a thematic thing

Other projects

fixed my rss feed, posted another devlog for the ants, tryna learn math. all this inevitable

Books

started the audiobook of Wittgensteins Mistress: that’s a book made to be read aloud, despite everything. started complete Garielle Lutz and loving it. the eternal present - by kate wagner - the late review was good

Other

on a neil young kick. fooled with the Pathologic 3 demo till i accidentally went to the menu and erased my save. saw my yearly of Montreal at Brooklyn Steel on sunday

2025-13 weekly post

Tue, 01 Apr 2025 00:00:00 GMT

this week was another allergy week. turns out im allergic to cats. i have two cats, and have for years. i have become a weaker person now!

Writing

typed up a revision of my buffalo story and submitted it. let’s hope it goes well

also worked on some translations and just the littlest bit of revisions for The Revolution. as stated above: a weak of allergies (get it? get it?), which i may just have to adapt to now

Other projects

tryna learn nginx stuff to rehost a few websites, getting back into the fun of the pico ants. overall, calm but steady

Books

normal patterns. the new html review came out and i adored new legibility from it

Other

been playing some ufo 50 again, now that im mostly done with the zelda; started watching belgian de mol; caught up with White Lotus and cringed in the corner of my sofa

2025-14 weekly post

Mon, 07 Apr 2025 00:00:00 GMT

got access to a new apartment this week, so really started moving in earnest. we got an overlap in leases (call me mr. money, its alright), so its been a daily back and forth, cleaning and bringing small things across town

Writing

scattered yet productive. working at random on shorts, touched The Revolution the one day I had time

Other projects

i fixed up the posts page on here to have pagination AND full post content, like a beautifully crowded stream, like a model of the gunky mississippi; tried for some reason to learn NixOS, i dont know why, probably cause im moving and thus swinging around in my mind

Books

gave up on a william vollman book (too much lol), trying to read more japanese

Other

white lotus finale, white lotus finale, white lotus finale

2025-15 weekly post

Tue, 15 Apr 2025 00:00:00 GMT

MOVING WEEK. THIS WEEK I HAVE BEEN PACKING UP ALL MY THINGS. BOOKS WERE VERY QUICKLY INACCESSIBLE

Writing

listened to a real long text-to-speech mp3 of The Girl, a revision strategy. i think its basically done, but i gotta fix a lot of typos. also did some self-translation and got notification of acceptance to a mag. ill post info here when that’s public

Other projects

little bit of ants. did a game jam over the weekend, oughta post my work up here soon

Books

very little reading, compared to my baseline. most of my books are in boxes, most of my free time’s been spent putting things in boxes

Other

predominantly:

podcasts, while moving. they require the perfect amount of focus, aka ‘slight’
Case of, Rise of the Golden Idol, on breaks, to fall into wonderful puzzling trifles of delight

i also watched blues brothers for the first time ever; it is bad

2025-16 and 17 weekly post

Mon, 28 Apr 2025 00:00:00 GMT

missed a week unpacking, so we’ve got a fascinating double week today!!

Writing

revisions and submissions, both good uses of sparse time

Other projects

sorta messed with a golden idol webgame, mostly moved things out of boxes into closets and shelves

Books

finally got some books out, also doing audiobooks. of note: loved Duma Key and Between the World and Me; reading (thank god) Herman Melville; bought a copy of the complete Garielle Lutz

Other

still:

podcasts, while moving.

also:

saw LAKE live
The Rehearsal episode 2, best ever

2025-18 weekly post

Tue, 06 May 2025 00:00:00 GMT

moving is an endless endeavor. i am still in the process. i have little access to the stove within my kitchen

Writing

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah i didnt

Other projects

see above

Books

reading some balzac again. he is my comfort writer. i cannot deny it.

additionally: gave up on The Memory Police by Yoko Ogawa, the least of the famous living Yokos. i have a lot of thoughts on its totalitarian fantasy kitsch within The Present Day i’d like to sketch out, ifn i find time

Other

adrianne lenker live album: one of the best to’ve done it; one piece is back; SaGa Frontier II, or as S— calls it, Salsa Frontier (look at title screen)

2025-19 weekly post

Tue, 13 May 2025 00:00:00 GMT

hello everyone. i live in brooklyn new york city. i have two cats who are kindly. this is a couple things i did this week here

Writing

looked at submission spots
tried to translate myself
token revisions

Other projects

did a game jam flat game, real fun; post soon

Books

jhumpa lahiri translations book! balzac! herman melville! also, lamer, a Monk the tv show novel

Other

some movies from the 1990s

2025-20 weekly post

Fri, 23 May 2025 00:00:00 GMT

one tires of the weekly blog post; one wants to write new ways; one has returned finally to both revision and translation, of The Girl and Meet Me In A Dream; one wishes to write a Short a Week, fool of productivity; one has health issues, doctors appointsments; one will be published soon, more info coming; one reads Garielle Lutz, the best of the literary; one struggles to sleep; one reads Thomas Bernhard; is ones reading gone morose?; and Hunter X Hunter; of Montreal; watch Eurovision; plays rpgs; have you ever eaten fish so good it keeps you up all night?; one’s stomach fails one; one is making WordPress blocks

The writer’s job is the job of a clown (2025-21 weekly post)

Tue, 27 May 2025 00:00:00 GMT

a weekly flash! its more likely than possible. a fly (quite large) is trapped between my screen and my windowpane. we are six floors up. i have typed, as well, The Girl; i have attempted some self-translation

will the ants return? yes! with a retooling

have i read much? yes! of course

let’s take a moment to adore Ducks, Newburryport. thank you

let’s take a moment to fall into the beautiful mid-point of new movie Sinners

no doubt the first man that ever murdered an ox was regarded a murderer (2025-22 weekly post)

Tue, 03 Jun 2025 00:00:00 GMT

weekly flash? yes; and revisions, translations, etc

a family visit; little project time; but reading, still, yes!

i only finished the rehearsal this week

confession: my guilty pleasure is watching productivity videos and judging the hosts: buddy, why don’t we just LIVE. i started with a new therapist this week for this and several other issues. how will it affect this unread posts?

goal: be productive in order to be more productive; use the extra time to spread the productivity word; its a form of jesus

dog or oak? (2025-23 weekly post)

Wed, 11 Jun 2025 00:00:00 GMT

still weekly flash, revisin the Girl

outline, translate,

etc

all right then, ill go to hell (2025-24 weekly post)

Tue, 17 Jun 2025 00:00:00 GMT

can you tell im bored of these weekly update posts? i am, and yet i have set a self-imposed limit on myself, thus i must follow it completely, thus i must do it on and on

or I can change it, maybe do it monthly for all but writing updates, which ill keep here

thus:

i revised a cigarette story for publication upcoming… check that here. that marks two cigarettes stories in print (or virtual print). maybe ill put a page out for them here

also: doing some translations as well. they are slow because im bad at them, but the more i do the less bad i will be. more posts on them soon (in a paragraph or so, i believe)

anonymous (2025-25 weekly post)

Wed, 25 Jun 2025 00:00:00 GMT

this week i wrote:

pico 8 post, unfinished, as my technical knowledge is low
meet me in a dream translation of asparagus, available on this very website now!
large portions of revision for my difficult novel “the girl”, a sustained section of “normal” dissociations, interupted by relevant anxiety attack

you may notice, constant reader, i posted no weekly flash: this was for anxiety reasons also. i am past my state of panic, but my foreced productivity was altered. as they say: oh well

do you see circling thru (2025-26 weekly post)

Tue, 01 Jul 2025 00:00:00 GMT

this week i finally got back to some consistant working on this most recent The Girl revision. lines 3311 to 4543, for those of you who have my markdown file. this is where we got switched the most, from one sort of dissipation to another, a more explicit embrace of themes of war. really im just happy with it cause it has two of my favorite short stories tucked within

also finished a draft of We Mimes in japanese. no clue what to do with that now, as im certain its full of grammatic errors and nonsense, but i dont know if i care enough to pursue proofreading to fix this. where is the line between my silly translation being public and private, so to speak

and i also did a flash again. be looking out here thursday, ill put it up maybe

i dont wanna talk about anything (2025-27 weekly post)

Tue, 08 Jul 2025 00:00:00 GMT

finished my draft of “The Girl”. swear I’ll look for publishers soon. its a bit of a weird one, low on the ‘sellability’ deal, so i’ll likely be looking for publishers myself, seeing if there’s a horror/weird fic place who might want it. at this point (less than a week from revising), i think its nice. there is a place for it

didnt post my flash last week, i forgot. that just means i get another chance to revise it for this week. ha ha ha ha ha

weird al yankovich blew his brains out in the 1980s after people stopped buying his record (2025-28 weekly post)

Tue, 15 Jul 2025 00:00:00 GMT

yeah this week’s title is weird, this weeks title is fucked, but i’ve been doing them all as quotes from things ive read or listened to during the week and I completely forgot to look for any this week, so all I got is a quote from King of the Hill i saw at a werid al concert (dont worry im ashamed) which has not left my mind since i heard it. weird al yankovich blew his brains out in the 1980s after people stopped buying his record. this is probably true

but i aint wrote much this week. i’ve had some therapy ‘homework’ (boo) that involved journaling this week, which took up a lot of my bandwidth and, of course, writing hours. so i have been just so woefully unproductive

however: that’s right, this sunday i rode on a plane, which is a place i just can’t stop writing, im always writing nonstop on planes, its near admirable. so there, plane-side, middle seat, i got back into my fun little novella Songs About Men, added a few pages to it. it might be my next project: a fun, entirely unmarketable one, just for myself

anyways, my condolonces to weird al and his family in this tough time. i hope his funeral dirge has something to do with food, or at least a plot summary of some mid movie or television

[loud noises] (2025-28 weekly post)

Tue, 22 Jul 2025 00:00:00 GMT

this week: an attempt to resume my interactive fiction story My Three Daughters, of which more later. I wanna write out a sort of planning document for it. Thus: a tiny post. Goodnight

[loud noises continue] (2025-30 weekly post)

Wed, 30 Jul 2025 00:00:00 GMT

this week, my work on the three daughters fragments continues. bc im still early in first drafts, i dont know where i am with it, or where im going. isnt that such a wonderful thing, no rules but the generative?

i should be looking at places to submit my girl novel, and yet…

im not

i cant stop your memory (2025-31 and 32 weekly post)

Tue, 12 Aug 2025 00:00:00 GMT

limiting this weekly post to just my writing updates while also mostly working on one single new project is, in fact, quite boring. all i have to say for the last weeks is: I’ve been writing more on the Three Daughters piece (see long devlog in blog below). what’s the fun in that?

instead, for my loyal readers, see this: while fevered up this weekend, i started on a bookshelf page of all the books I’ve read or tried to read. i keep incredibly meticulous notes about them, its crazy. here’s some years of books, not built up enough to give you any additional info. they are, of course, in random order, re-run each time my blog is updated

till next time

Sunshine Farms-Medium Eggs, Grade A (2025-33 weekly post)

Tue, 19 Aug 2025 00:00:00 GMT

never content to one project, i’m adding a revise of Uncle Konig to my write-load, my wierd western tale about how little i enjoyed living in Lousiana, as well as some shit about america and violence, same as everything else ive ever wrote. originally it was an overstuffed short story of the “i write short stories only, i swear” type; now its as long as it needs to be, or at least im convincing myself just a novella

also experimented, for the first time this week, with writing the markup for the interactive fiction of My Three Daughters. it’s a bigger chew than i imagined i was biting (or whatever), so maybe look out for smaller web-first projects as i build it up in parts? we’ll see

further:

looking into short story subs again, wanna consitant rhythm
i think i found an agent to submit The Girl to. need to get over my nerves, read their manuscript wish list, and judge with open eyes

ttyl horse girls

-j

better for your development (2025-34 weekly post)

Tue, 26 Aug 2025 00:00:00 GMT

wrote a lot this week! i’m happy with that, as I’m sure you are too. you are, after all, by point of fact, at least while you read this, one of my readers

most exciting (for me), I submitted The Girl to an agent. in doing so, i wrote a couple summaries of it, which felt (surprisingly) nice. i like the book. i like its gimmick. here’s to hoping this agent i sent it to feels the same way

also: less interesting single story submissions, to magazine, who will love me and publish my work; also: retooling notes on the classic “Uncle Konig”; also: working on Meet Me in a Dream translations (a difficult Ito story, our guy is slangy and referential in a way that takes real effort)

more fun for me tho was attempts to do some “web art” work, baby-stepping an engine for my three daughters with a fun little flash about a magic bomb (aint it always with me a bomb? who can accuse me of re-using my symbols?). web art’s fun

i call my cat anus (2025-35 and 36 weekly post)

Wed, 10 Sep 2025 00:00:00 GMT

again, the dullness of updating, so simple: the revolution and translations; started going to a weekly writing night; dreaming of websites

again: dreaming of websites

cream soda (2025-37 weekly post)

Tue, 16 Sep 2025 00:00:00 GMT

i always enjoy writing on the train. atm i work from home, so i dont ride it every day, but when i do (and when its empty enough and not shaking enough that i can do all it comfortably), i like to bring a notebook or tablet and scrawl. this weekend i drew on the J and wrote on the Q. years ago, i wrote on the S going home from a job i hated

(this week i revised revolution 2 and fiddled with code for “we dropped the bomb”)

dont hold her hand unless you mean it (2025-44 weekly post)

Wed, 05 Nov 2025 00:00:00 GMT

did you notice i took some weeks off from these posts? in fact it was a month, at first under the assumption I’d do a whole weird web october, but after a few days i approached feeling burnt out, so i stopped

then (this is the joy of having no readers) i decided to finish skipping out the month. why not? even now i have no reports on my writing, tho i wrote a lot. just trust on that, its an achievement

other:

i made a bookshelf for my site. its arbitrary and incomplete now, but im glad to have it. maybe check back later to see more
zohran mamdani is the mayor. this happened yesterday. i found out at the Boris show, on the phone of two tall guys talking in front of me. it was during ‘a boa a qu’, which i’m sure means something

we droped the bomb it didnt work (2025-46 weekly post)

Wed, 12 Nov 2025 00:00:00 GMT

course i forgot to do one last week, out of the habit

this, the same as everthing, is fine

i drew this

i’ve been flowing along with writing as usual: reviewing shorts, wednesday’s for novels, them im doing this small thing called “A Small Pain”: a “hangout novel”. also tryna code some backend stuff for more interactive webart, instead of being like others, learning twine. why? causei find twine difficult. its easier to build from nothing, huh (God said this once)

what if i wrote here about my personal life? would that be silly? i used to journal formulatically weekly, but it grew to be too big a time commitment. i’m also reading thomas poynchon now, chapter a day. he’s a short story writer, i didnt know this. his novels are short story collections, almost all

here i have a sailors thumb (2025-47 weekly post)

Tue, 25 Nov 2025 00:00:00 GMT

here is the deal: mondays and thursday are for reading my stories, revising—to stay familiar; tuesdays and fridays are A Small Pain (this week we’ve got our “hero” home to watch tv, skipped him outside to show him avoiding events); wednesdays are for the Revolution revisions, thus going on

i’ve submitted Buzz now to a contest. i like it a lot

visiting friends, prepping thanksgiving

life moves this way now

how to make a thanksgiving meal (2025-48 weekly post)

Mon, 01 Dec 2025 00:00:00 GMT

mac and cheese. it must be baked. stovetop is a different meal and we all know this but to chance the names would deny our language its fluidity, which im thankful for, ok?

(submitted twice, its an end of the month thing. returning to Lucas and Diane for some lovely new additions, otherwise working the same; started tv-watching house; first week off of work (dont worry, vacation); saw kevin barnes live in nyc again, im like those people who love phish and all their versions)

let them know its christmas time this year (2025-49 weekly post)

Mon, 08 Dec 2025 00:00:00 GMT

bc it is december and bc its therefore holiday season, we put our tree up for the year and watched terrible christmass movies. its a cultural thing: once child actors no longer bring us celebrated joy, we put them in intentionally bad holiday movies, as a humiliation ritual. this, the tv says, is why you never should be famous. its better being quiet, after all

(what i mean to say: i finished revising the first half of the Revolution this week: exciting. it was my goal to get it by the end of the month, and i was (thankfully) done by the third. now i only need a way to publish)

apartment 2A is open (2025-50 weekly post)

Mon, 15 Dec 2025 00:00:00 GMT

phew: between sickness, christmas, 3 late nights, racoons, and karaoke, i barely wrote: just a revision to a beautiful tale of nannyhooks, literally yesterday

oh well!!!!!

and i cleaned some site code up and learned some haskell and drew pictures on my ipad. why would i try to learn haskell? i wont use it in my life

here are some good karaoke songs

life during wartime (talking heads)
love shack (its fun voices)
punk rock girl, by dead milkmen
bug like an angel (as a bit, lower the mood)

in addition

in another year, perhaps the next year, might expand these into retrospectives, as a bit (synonym for resolution)

it casts a strange and compelling light (2025-51 weekly post)

Tue, 23 Dec 2025 00:00:00 GMT

i’m away from home and my lovely shell scripts so instead of recording all i’ve written (scattered fragments and stories, and a return to my three daughters, if i recall), have a list of things i saw in the airport, my favorite semi-public place:

a trend of men with oddly manicured eyebrows, or at least eyebrows shaved into patterns i didn’t recognize
a boy looking out the window comparing the approaching cityscape to minecraft, which he has open on his switch
unfortunately that’s all i wrote down and it’s been days since i been there
i wrote an essay about airports on tumblr once and someone liked it, but then i deleted my tumblr and i don’t remember what it was like

goodnight, sleep well dear readers. i’m gonna watch youtube and do flash cards :)

stay awhile partner (2025-52 weekly post)

Mon, 29 Dec 2025 00:00:00 GMT

last week of the year, officially. we’re dropping the next few days into the first week of next year, as our disorderly calendar demands

i am home agian, in real vacation: the post travel time from christmas to the first. this is the real holiday: lay with cats and watch house (md)

wrote: Scott and Bianca stuff, mostly. its their time to shine. i’ve some time back finished the first three “episodes” of the revolution, so i have to enter the complex morass of the third. that means writing randomization scripts also

else: been reading the devestating Happy Like Murderers. such a strange and frightening cycling writing voice. lots of music. how ya do

Books from 2025!

Wed, 31 Dec 2025 00:00:00 GMT

two excuses before we start:

as a child i wasn’t allowed to watch television and had things from which to run away, so i read a lot
in my 20s in went to grad school and had to read at least three books a week

this is all to say that

Stats

i read 158 books this year and, again, i wont apologize. this is two less books than last year, so I quess you might say i’m slowing down. i still confuse my gs and qs always tho

i also gave up on 26 books, often early, in case you confuse my obsessiveness for a sort of masochism

Favs (no order)

Paul Celan - 70 Poems

Astounding

Walter M Miller - A Canticle for Leibowitz

My second time reading. Dude knew that deathly serious stuff is never serious without a few little jokes; or, god no surprise this guy did a suicide

Lucy Ellman - Ducks, Newberryport

I just sank inside this book. I wish it were longer.

J. G. Ballard - High-Rise

Post-facto: i read an intro to a collection of his short stories calling ole JG a “surprisingly normal man”. Sorry, I’ve read this shit. He was not normal

Stephen King - Duma Key

Stephen King tries Murakami. And it’s in Florida!

Garielle Lutz - Complete Stories

If I ever get around to adding reviews to my site bookshelf you’d see how up and down I really am with these, but overall they’re fantastic in a ( me at least) new way

Stephen King - 11-22-63

Only king could write a book about killing lee harvey oswald that’s almost half a self-consciously nostalgic look at the 50s. Like all great king books, he stumbles headfirst into something unpleasant and profound.

Other Notable Books

Gordon Burn - Happy Like Murderers

Realistically, a fave, but i just finished it in the last few days, and its very gruesome. However I’ve already started imitating its voice.

The Animorphs series (finished it this year)

I am 30 or 40 years old and I need to make record of this.

In conclusion

This was a year primarily of sci-fi, which I didn’t realize till now. I am trying to write an encyclopedic sci-fi novel, perhaps that’s why.
I love to look back at books like this. Because I read voraciously I read these at home, in the park, on the train, on vacation, and so many other places. It’s an accidental collection of small memories

j konger | blog

why is the dominant aesthetic form of so much web-art brutalist?

hell yes time

guys in Europe

Dragon Quest VII links

Walkthrus:

Translations

Vocations

project finished: i stitched hisoka onto a cap

in search of lost time marginalia

mama in her garden dress

finally updated my list of publications, first time in years

remember

How to match til the end of an input string with a janet peg

Janet PEGs don't accept unicode??

ren'py game jam submission at wonderville

(shadows) pub

Testing out TinaCMS

this is now a place for completing projects

Snuffy Smith 9/11 Comic, 2024

under the eye of power reflection

Snuffy Smith 9/11 Comic, 2025

ants devlog 1

world

Footnotes

ants devlog 2

ants

notice!

birth

revealing the creators hand

revealing the creator’s hand, pt 2

cursor

code

explanation

cur_init

cur_draw

end

cartridge

full code

Footnotes

ants devlog 3

the code itself

the explanations

ants_update

ants_eat

ants_count

ants_age

ants_move and ant_move

ants_draw

ants_loop

ants_add and ants_init

bitsy game jam submission at wonderville

ants devlog 4: what if an ant could sense when food's nearby?

act i: setting the scene

act 2: a tired joke about not wanting to remove bugs

act three: the actual changes we’ve made

notice!

find_nearby_dots

using find_nearby_dots

stop fucking around, show me why this sucks

flat game

Meet Me in a Dream translatoion

stories

Assistant, by Shigesato Itoi

Asparagus, by Haruki Murakami

Eisenhower, or 1958's Place in Postwar History, by Haruki Murakami

All Night, by Shigesato Itoi

Footnotes

Club, by Shigesato Itoi

Grape Drops, by Haruki Murakami

Coca-Cola, by Shigesto Itoi

Shortstop, by Shigesto Itoi

Star Wars, by Haruki Murakami

Avocado Black Bean Quesadillas

Ingredients

Instructions

Notes

Xerox, by Shigesato-Itoi

Baked Flounder with Panko and Parmesan

Ingredients

`ants_update`

`ants_eat`

`ants_count`

`ants_age`

`ants_move` and `ant_move`

`ants_draw`

`ants_loop`

`ants_add` and `ants_init`

`find_nearby_dots`

using `find_nearby_dots`