Xerox, by Shigesato-Itoi
my translation of the forty-seventh story (out of 99) of 夢で会いましょう [Meet Me in a Dream] by Haruki Murakami and Shigesato Itoi, not guaranteed to be accurate. see the intro post to read more!
It’s kinda wild that a guy who gets mad at a girl for putting her ass on the copier ends up being the guy who turns the same copier on my colleague’s telling me while shredding a vulgar result of this down into the trash but both are just as guilty of it is my complete thoughts on it and thinking on this while I talk I ask him hey want a copy of mine like my mouth’s gone rouge and made this decision its own and god almighty the shame that I’m suddenly bathed in but what’s that phrase ye who’s without sin throw the first stone and it’s all the Xerox’s fault anyway but again what’s that other old phrase love the sinner hate the sin and who says this wisdom can’t be held to the machine also and yeah I’m annoyed and completely embarrassed but its my place to yell out or complain but already the guys and the girls in the office have overheard this and they’ve all come around to laugh and throw insults and film me falling completely apart and I swear somewhere near very near I hear babies cry out and I have to wonder certainly this is a dream but then what do you know some new asshole’s come over and squashed down my dream in the copier too and the cops have been called and they’re here with the judge and the jury’s already come back and I’m sentenced death on a mimeograph cross in the company break room.
Translator's Note:
In the original Japanese, they spell it _Zerox_. I did _not_ respect this decision.
If you've read my original stuff (in English), you know I'm a lover of the long sentence, so as a challenge to myself I tried to maintain the original's lack of punctuation—something much harder to do in English, lacking particles to indicate parts of speech. In their place I _attempted_ to use rhythm to offer a little guidance, in imitation of spoken language. Did it work? I don't know.
Also: italics is _technically_ cheating, but god did I feel i needed it.
trey parker and matt stone are in hell (2026-08 weekly post)
today i found a bookshelf in my apartments lobby and im thinking about where to put it in the apartment. here’s this: there’s lots of space in little corners, but the shelf is BLUE!! a wonderful teal blue, of course, and beautiful, but for its beauty hard to find a non-conspicuous space: it contrasts in color and shape!
anyways, im thinking ill sneak it over here (i am gesturing to a location), and hope with some decoration it fits in well
writing? reflections on events?
among other things, there has been snow
new meet me in a dream story out, actually made it in a week this time! been, also, focusing (this week somewhat limited!) writing time on Scott and Bianca, at abt the 3/4 point—which means disintegration. the POV gets closer and closer and closer till we’re trapped with Bianca falling asleep in someone’s closet, then it bursts into an essay feel. i like it, writing. i hope to like it reading too
still havent been recording my own life events as i used to SO I FORGET WHAT HAPPENS BY WEEK. if i wanna do reflextions here, i oughtta do that, huh
playing Kingdom Hearts with S——: the most frustrating game start in the world
in conclusion, this
Shortstop, by Shigesto Itoi
my translation of the forty-seventh story (out of 99) of 夢で会いましょう [Meet Me in a Dream] by Haruki Murakami and Shigesato Itoi, not guaranteed to be accurate. see the intro post to read more!
So—is it the shortstop who scores points? (A certain friend of mine (much older) asked me this.)
Well, in a sense they can (I answered), but really their point is preventing other teams from scoring runs.
Ahh, yes I remember that. They make outs.
Yes, that’s true. But remember: plays can also be ruled safe.
Right, safe. And are short-hops related to shortstops?
Well, beyond the similarity in the words, I guess a shortstop could always short-hop a ball.
I see.
My friend went on and on with a real impressive amount of questions. E.g:
- Is the bullpen where they keep the strong?
- Where on the field is the slash line?
This guy—you can never give him a clear answer. No matter what I say, it doesn’t take.
Sometimes all I wanna do is sigh and tell him, Look man, that’s a homerun, that one’s safe. Et cetera.
translator's note: apologies if the baseball terms are terrible. i tried to do my best to adapt puns
beyonce is a nuanced proposition (2026-07 weekly post)
week 7 of 2026: a week’s worth of weeks. a week of weeks. im weak
of note: finished translation of coca-cola from meet me in a dream—an itoi one. never know where to put my paltry advertisements for those, as there’s (so far as i know) not a huge collection of itoi fictions fans, ya know. earthbound places? my feeling is they’re more a fandom place interested in their rpg friends, so id be only selfishly self-promoting.
instead i leave it here for you folks, guess: enjoy, my possibly existnt readers
additionally:
scottin thru that bianca: slower as busier week
stopped traditional diary entries: ought to go back
valentines day: the snow melts
maybe, in future, actual retrospection here!
Coca-Cola, by Shigesto Itoi
my translation of the forty-seventh story (out of 99) of 夢で会いましょう [Meet Me in a Dream] by Haruki Murakami and Shigesato Itoi, not guaranteed to be accurate. see the intro post to read more!
If you take the Coca-Cola company at their word, Coca-Cola was synthesized in a lab. They stake this claim out clear in PR and ads. But do only the barest bit of research and you’ll find a better truth: Coca-Cola comes from the natural world.
Let’s get our facts straight—the Coca-Cola company tells us they harvest their cola straight from Cola Trees in the jungles of Borneo, and this much is true! My regular readers know as well the taboo the native Dayaks there have towards Cola Trees: they’ll never touch them. It’s obscene. What you might not know is this—naturally formed, deep in mountains hidden by the forest, are what are known as Cola Taps. Spigots, valves, faucets, etc. You get the picture.
The Coca-Cola company in fact runs mining operations there. Cola Taps are strip mined. Worse (if you trust the record) these taps were discovered first by Conquistadors in the 16th century. The Spanish used the basin these taps form in to dispose waste—their human waste—meaning as toilet! No wonder the Dayaks came to avoid the place: it smelled of nothing more than olive oil rotting in the sun.
And that’s not it! North of this basin, behind the waterfall that feeds it, Cola Phials naturally form—always in twelves. The Dayak people consider the area sacred, as a space of divine gifts. Thus Cola Phials weren’t discovered till World War II, by a Japanese soldier, who was hiding there waiting for orders to ship back out: he’d found a phial and used it as a container to wash rice. A local elder (it was no secret to the Dayak this soldier was there) explained there were even more where that had come from—a near endless amount. There’s record of this even—look it up! Any paper, 1945, under Foreign Affairs.
Anyhow, let’s cut right to the chase: the Cokea Monkey. How does this creature fit in this?
The Cokea monkey: we may lack photo evidence, but other evidence shows he’s real. Since ancient times we know he’s gone to Cola Trees, fitted his Cola Taps inside them, filled his Cola Phials up. Even the MIC’s aware of that. FOIA requested records of NSF research—which I have, and will send if you dm—record exploratory interviews with Bornean fauna—orangutans, elephants, anunnaki, wasps, etc.—and even this revealed little more than the creatures fame. Maybe—maybe!—these animals’ silences told more than words. What might they have hid in secret smiles?
If history tells us anything, the powerful get the last laugh. This opinion, in fact, was shared by the NSF—very, very suspicious, concluded one redacted portion of their committee’s report.
Remember: speculation is only as true as the circumstances behind it.
More as I learn it.
translator's note: this was another difficult one for me, so i tried to disguise in pyrotechnics. i get the distinct impression some of these shorts are sort of one-and-dones, in the sense they're not the most thought out, so to hide both that and my own amateur inconsistencies, i've added the whole conspiracy theory twist. call it a 21st century update, or a somewhat loose interpretation. its like jazz