Coca-Cola, by Shigesto Itoi

my translation of the forty-seventh story (out of 99) of 夢で会いましょう [Meet Me in a Dream] by Haruki Murakami and Shigesato Itoi, not guaranteed to be accurate. see the intro post to read more!

If you take the Coca-Cola company at their word, Coca-Cola was synthesized in a lab. They stake this claim out clear in PR and ads. But do only the barest bit of research and you’ll find a better truth: Coca-Cola comes from the natural world.

Let’s get our facts straight—the Coca-Cola company tells us they harvest their cola straight from Cola Trees in the jungles of Borneo, and this much is true! My regular readers know as well the taboo the native Dayaks there have towards Cola Trees: they’ll never touch them. It’s obscene. What you might not know is this—naturally formed, deep in mountains hidden by the forest, are what are known as Cola Taps. Spigots, valves, faucets, etc. You get the picture.

The Coca-Cola company in fact runs mining operations there. Cola Taps are strip mined. Worse (if you trust the record) these taps were discovered first by Conquistadors in the 16th century. The Spanish used the basin these taps form in to dispose waste—their human waste—meaning as toilet! No wonder the Dayaks came to avoid the place: it smelled of nothing more than olive oil rotting in the sun.

And that’s not it! North of this basin, behind the waterfall that feeds it, Cola Phials naturally form—always in twelves. The Dayak people consider the area sacred, as a space of divine gifts. Thus Cola Phials weren’t discovered till World War II, by a Japanese soldier, who was hiding there waiting for orders to ship back out: he’d found a phial and used it as a container to wash rice. A local elder (it was no secret to the Dayak this soldier was there) explained there were even more where that had come from—a near endless amount. There’s record of this even—look it up! Any paper, 1945, under Foreign Affairs.

Anyhow, let’s cut right to the chase: the Cokea Monkey. How does this creature fit in this?

The Cokea monkey: we may lack photo evidence, but other evidence shows he’s real. Since ancient times we know he’s gone to Cola Trees, fitted his Cola Taps inside them, filled his Cola Phials up. Even the MIC’s aware of that. FOIA requested records of NSF research—which I have, and will send if you dm—record exploratory interviews with Bornean fauna—orangutans, elephants, anunnaki, wasps, etc.—and even this revealed little more than the creatures fame. Maybe—maybe!—these animals’ silences told more than words. What might they have hid in secret smiles?

If history tells us anything, the powerful get the last laugh. This opinion, in fact, was shared by the NSF—very, very suspicious, concluded one redacted portion of their committee’s report.

Remember: speculation is only as true as the circumstances behind it.

More as I learn it.